Top 80 Pun Quotes and Funny Pick-Up Lines You Can Laugh “How do you know Santa is good at karate? He has a black belt!
Did you know that Rudolph the Reindeer never went to school? He was elf taught.
What is a skunks favorite Christmas song? Jingle smells!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party? He had no-body to go with.
I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
An untalented gymnast walks into a bar
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
Long fairy tales have a tendency to the dragon.
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
I’m not clumsy, The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies and the walls get in my way.
A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I didn’t like having long nails, but they’re growing on me.
Funny Pick-Up Lines
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
I learned about electricity today it was lit.
How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.
Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.
A blonde decided to paint a room. When her husband got home, he asked, ‘Why are you wearing an Alaskan and a winter coat?’ She replied, ‘The can said for best results apply 2 coats.’
How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Write ‘Please turn over’ on both sides of a piece of paper.
I got a compliment on my driving today said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.
Jokes with punch lines can be painfully funny.
Two children are born on the same day from the same mother but they are not twins. How is that possible?
Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April The second child was named May. What was the third child’s name?
A man goes out in heavy rain with nothing to protect him from it. His hair doesn’t get wet. How does he do that?
Ten ladies tried to fit under a small umbrella, none of them got wet. How did they do it?
What two things can you never eat for breakfast?
Hilarious Pun Quotes
“A good pun is its reward.”
“I live and die by puns.”
“Puns are the highest form of literature.”
“Puns are the droppings of soaring wits.”
“A pun is a short quip followed by a long Groan.”
“You want a piece of me?”
“That moment when you can’t finish a sentence because you’re laughing so hard about the ending.”
“I lost my contact lens. I told you to keep an eye on them…”
“I’ll stop the world and melt with you.”
“You look so much thinner! Thanks! I had my appendix removed…”
“Don’t be yourself, be someone a little nicer.”
“This might sound cheesy… But I think you are great”
“I’m shameless, and I love a pun. There’s a lot of both puns.”
“It was so quiet, you could hear a pun drop.”
“What did the daughter corn ask the mother corn? Where’s popcorn?”
“A pun does not commonly justify a blow in return. But if a blow were given for such cause, and death ensued, the jury would be judges both of the facts and of the pun, and might, if the latter were of an aggravated character, return a verdict of justifiable homicide. Oliver wendeld holmes”
“When nothing goes right… Go left!”
“You’ve gotta hand it to short people dipstick: because they usually can’t reach it anyways.”
“Hey girl, are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you are cusic t”
“These are tearable puns. The local area between the lan it goes back”
“I tried to catch some fog. I mist. ”
“When chemists die, they barium. ”
“Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. ”
“A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.”
“I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop anytime. ”
“How does mosen make his teal Hebrews it? ”
“I stayed up all night to see where the san stayed up all na went. Then it dawned on me. ”
“This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivores. ”
“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. 1 Can’t put it down.”
“I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.”
“They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type Q.”
“A dyslexic man walks into a bra.”
“Pms jokes aren’t fans. Period. ”
“Why were the Indians found? They had reservations.”
“Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz. ”
“Energizer Bunny arrested: charged with battery.”
“I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. ”
“How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it! ”
“What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. ”
“When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. ”
“What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back for seconds.”
“I wondered why the Paschall was bigger. Then it hit me! ”
“Broken pencils are pointless.”
“What do you call o a fake noodle? An impasta.”
“Silliness is… What do you call the soft tissue between a shark’s teeth? A slow swimmer.”
“I’m not a player I just fuck a lot.”
“I know it’s corny but… You are a-maize-ing!”
“Flawless victory, you niggas can’t do shit to me. Physically. Lyrically hypothetically, realistically.”
“To be or not to be that is the question. Shakesbeer”
“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading. Lao Tzu”
“This year I’d like to make new friends, see a sunset over every octen, use no plastic at all and ext most help! Goal fish.”
“A good pun is its reward.”
“Life is about exploring pasta-abilities.”