Funny Quotes About Life. Some truths about life are easier to understand when they are told in a funny way. Funny sayings and quotes do the exact same thing. These not only make you think, but they can also cheer you up when you need them. We’ve put together a list of the Best Funny Quotes and Sayings that will make you laugh out loud. Read it, try to remember some of it, and share it with people you care about. But it won’t hurt to have some humor in life, right? That’s why I’ve rounded up 45 funny quotes about laughs. Some of them may become your life mantra. Some of them may just give you a good laugh.
Funny Witty Quotes. Witty Quotes and Sayings: Doesn’t expect the unexpected make the unexpected expected? has its funny moments.
Funny Quotes
#1. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” ~ Joan Rivers
#2. “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” – Mae West
#3. “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
#4. “The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.” ~ Dorothy Parker
#5. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” ~ Anonymous
#6. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” ~ Jack Handey
#7. “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. “ – Ron White
#8. “I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.” – Mae West
#9. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” ~ Rodney Dangerfield
#10. “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.“ – Charles R. Swindoll
Funny Quotes and sayings
#11. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” ~ Ellen DeGeneres
#12. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” ~ Ace Ventura
#13. “The score never interested me, only the game. – Mae West
#14. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” ~ Bobby Bouche
#15. “A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.” ~ W.C. Fields
#16. “Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.”~ Joan Collins
#17. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” ~ Phyllis Diller
#18. “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
#19. “There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”~ Oscar Levant
#20. “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”~ Groucho Marx
Funny Quotes About Life
#21. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” ~ Mindy Kaling
#22. “At every party, there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” ~ Ann Landers
#23. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” ~ Lt. Frank Drebin
#24. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” ~ President Merkin Muffley
#25. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’” ~ Anonymous
#26. “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”~ George Carlin
#27. “A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”~ Groucho Marx
#28. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” ~ Steve Martin
#29. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” ~Will Ferrell
#30. “It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.”~ Harry S. Truman
Top Funny Quotes
#31. “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” ~ Emo Philips
#32. “Life is like a roller coaster pic – scary at the moment, funny looking back.” ~ Unknown
#33. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” ~ Jimmy Kimmel
#34. “Do not take life too seriously. You never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
#35. “If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”~ W. C. Fields
#36. “Death is just life’s next big adventure. “ – J. K. Rowling
#37. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” ~ Wanda
#38. “To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone. “ – Reba McEntire
#39. “Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?” ~ Benny Hill
#40. “Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” ~ Charlie Brown
Funniest Quotes of all time
#41. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” ~ Groucho Marx
#42. “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.” ~ John Wayne
#43. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.” ~ Larry
#44. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” ~ Les Dawson
#45. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” ~ Erma Bombeck
#46. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” ~ Clairee Belcher
#47. “Life is like experiments. The more you try, the better you become.” ~ Unknown
#48. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” ~ Frank Semyon
#49. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~ Bernard Baruch
#50. “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.”~ Gertrude Stein
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Explore Funny Quotes by authors including Abraham Lincoln, Groucho Marx, and Winston Churchill at Dailyfunnyquote.
