#41. Oh my god, what a cute!!! Yesss! It’s working!!”
#42. So I was at the bar last night and the waitress screamed… #Anyone knows CPR?” I said #Hell, I know the entire alphabet.” Everyone laughed… well everyone except this one guy.”
#43. Cop: Please step out of the car Me: I’m too fucked up. You get in.”
#44. Sorry honey, sarcasm falls out of my mouth, just like stupid falls from yours.”
#45. Mirrors don’t lie and lucky for you they don’t laugh”
#46. Dear radio, is it necessary for you to play a song I like when I arrive at my destination?”
#47. I don’t understand your specific kind of stupid. But I do admire your total commitment to it.”
#48. T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, #T-G-I-F” He smiled at her and replied, #S-H-I-T” She looked puzzled and repeated, #T-G-I-F,” more slowly. He again answered, #S-H-I-T.” The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possible, #T-G-I-F.” The man smiled back to her and once”
#49. That moment when you talk to yourself and you start smiling like an idiot because you’re just so hilarious”
#50. At work like Nah… you bitches don’t pay me enough to be asking me to do all that”
