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36 Funny Minions Quotes You’re Going To Love

36 Funny Minions Quotes You’re Going To Love “Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” — Will Rogers

“One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.” — William Feather

“It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.” — Jerry Seinfeld,

Funny Minions Quotes You’re Going To Love

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1. “4 levels of crazy: 1. Talks to self, 2. Argues with self, 3. Interrupts self while arguing with self, 4. No longer speaking to self.”

2. “I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my had says: “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.”

3. “Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s natures way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.”

4. “Best friends are like siblings from different parents.”

5. “Every time I lose some weight I find it again in the refrigerator.”

6. “Can you die from constipation? I’m a little worried with how full of shit some people are.”

7. “Someone sent me an email about using vodka for cleaning around the house. It worked! The more vodka I drank, the cleaner the house looked!!”

8. “Never blame anyone in your life. Good people give you happiness. Bad people give you experience. Worst people give you a lesson. And best people give you memories.”

9. “Always say “Morning” instead of “Good morning” because if it were a good morning I’d still be in bed asleep.”

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10. “Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.”

11. “My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday.”

12. “I could definitely be a morning person if morning started at noon.”

13. “Instead of calling it the john, I’m going to start calling my bathroom the “Jim” that way I can say I go to the jim every morning.”

14. “I love waving at random people. Because you know for the rest of the day they’re trying to figure out who I was.”

15. “If everybody was happy in relationship there wouldn’t be any good music.”

16. “Just once, I would like to read a medication label that says: warning, may cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles & increased energy!”

17. “Top 4 wishes: 1. To earn money without working 2. To be smart without studying 3. To love without being hurt. 4. To eat without getting fat.”

18. “I could be 15 or 55 and my mother would still ask me where I was going.”

19. “I have never seen a tombstone that said, ‘died because I didn’t forward a message to ten people’.”

20. “I hate those moods where you have no reason to be sad / annoyed, but you just are.”

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21. “I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.”

22. “I just had a little talk with myself and things didn’t go too well… now I’m freakin’ grounded!”

23. “I don’t have an attitude problem I just have a personality you can’t handle!”

24. “A best friend is someone who loves you when you forgot to love yourself.”

25. “We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads. So I’m not fat, I’m just really intelligent and my head couldn’t hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!”

26. “I’m not lazy. Im just on my energy saving mode.”

27. “Faith is trusting god even when you don’t understand his plan.”

28. “Reasons you should consider being a cat: – free food – free rent – sleep as long as you want to – look great with no effort.”

29. “Don’t hold grudges, I just remember things for a very long time!”

30. “I just sprayed fruit scented febreze in my bathroom. Now it smelss like shitrus.”

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31. “Coffee! Coffee!! It’s our drink! If we don’t get it, we can’t think!!!”

32. “I may be a bad influence but… damn, I’m fun!!!”

33. “Sometimes, the best revenge is to smile, move on, and do nothing!”

34. “Although it gets me into trouble I usually always speak my mind. Because it hurts too much to bite my tongue.”

35. “If thought bubbles appeared above my head I would be screwed.”

36. “Great minds think alike but dirty minds work together.”

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“If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.” — Henny Youngman Funny Minions Quotes

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“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” — Ron White funny quotes about life

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“It’s such a funny thing when you see your daughter transitioning from your baby, your little girl, to suddenly being a young woman. If you’re not really looking for it, you can miss it, and Lily-Rose is on that road already, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.” Johnny Depp quotes about funny

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“I’m quite sarcastic, and I’m funny, but not kind of funny. It’s a weird funny, and some people don’t get me, and some people do.” — Millie Bobby Brown

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“I don’t look at negative comments because my parents and family don’t let me. My big sister controls my Instagram, and my big brother controls my Twitter. I also don’t really Google myself or anything like that.” — Millie Bobby Brown

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