Funny Witty Quotes. Witty Quotes and Sayings: Doesn’t expect the unexpected make the unexpected expected? has its funny moments. Let these funny quotes about life remind you of such times but also you can read between the lines and find the wisdom that they offer.
Cute funny quotes about life “It’s such a funny thing when you see your daughter transitioning from your baby, your little girl, to suddenly being a young woman. If you’re not looking for it, you can miss it, and Lily-Rose is on that road already, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. -Johnny Depp”
We collected the best funny thought for your daily routine. here are the best 40 cool funny memes and hilarious sayings. photo credits Pinterest
Funny Witty Quotes
1. You Shouldn’t I don’t have that.
“You know that little voice inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn’t? Yeah, I don’t have that.”
2. When you are stupid?
“When you are stupid? When you are dead, you do not even know you are dead. It is only pain for others. Same thing when you are stupid.”
3. I found it dear!?
“I found it dear!? I’m returning your nose dear! I found it in my business.”
4. You Shouldn’t Mature with?
“You shouldn’t mature with? Save we mature with the damage, not with the years.”
5. When did you find out?
“When you find out someone who says they hate guns has never held or shot a gun.”
6. You don’t ask stupid questions?
“If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.”
7. At the speed of WTF?
“I am currently experiencing life at the speed of 15 wtf’s an hour.”
8. Who acts just like you?
“You never realize how weird you are until you have a kid, who acts just like you.”
9. Abraham Lincoln Said:?
“The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine. ~ Abraham lincoln”
10. Never make the same mistake twice.
“I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure.”
11. I started without?
“I started with nothing… I still have most of it.”
12. Who ties yours?
“Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered… “Who ties your shoelaces for you?”
“I may not have lost all of my marbles just yet. But there is a small hole in the bag somewhere.”
“Me after death : *slams gates of hell open, takes off shoes, high fives satan. “I’m home. What’s the fucking wifi y password?”
“Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward rage screams.”
“The last time I saw you, I was hoping it was the last time I saw you.”
“Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.”
“Most people can’t tell if I’m being sincere or a smartass. It’s kind of a gift.”
“Yes, I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.”
“I’m mostly peace, love, and light… With a little bit of go fuck yourself… The amazing movement you know, keepin’ it real.”
“I am responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what you understand.”
“You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.”
“Revenge is beneath me. Accidents, however, will happen.”
“If I’ve learned anything in my 23 years on earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.”
“The fact that there’s a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.”
“My teacher accused me of plagiarism. His words, not mine. – Anonymous”
“Listen to your being. It is continuously giving you hints; it is a still, small voice. It does not shout at you, that is true. And if you are a little silent you will start feeling your way. Be the person you are. Never try to be another, and you will become mature. Maturity is accepting the responsibility of being oneself, whatsoever the cost. Risking all to be oneself, that’s what maturity is all about.”
“Revenge? Nah, I’m too lazy. I’m gonna sit here and let karma screw you.”
“I swear some people must have been conceived through anal sex. There is no way being that much of an asshole is natural.”
“What doesn’t kill us makes our drinks stronger.”
“No. I don’t really “rise and shine”. Most days, I just caffeinate and then hope for the best.”
“I followed my heart, It led me to the fridge.”
“Nothing is impossible with the right attitude and a hammer.”
“If you ran like your mouth, you’d be in good shape.”
“I am unable to quit as I am currently too legit.”
“Most people have “ah-ha moments. I just have “oh for fucks sake, seriously!?” Moments.”
“Nobody can say anything about you. Whatsoever people say is about themselves. But you become very shaky because you are still clinging to a false center. That false center depends on others, so you are always looking at what people are saying about you. And you are always following other people, you are always trying to satisfy them. You are always trying to be respectable, you are always trying to decorate your ego. This is suicidal. Rather than being disturbed by what others say, you should start looking inside yourself…
Whenever you are self-conscious you are simply showing that you are not conscious of the self at all. You don’t know who you are. If you had known, then there would have been no problem— then you are not seeking opinions. Then you are not worried about what others say about you— it is irrelevant!
When you are self-conscious you are in trouble. When you are self-conscious you are showing symptoms that you don’t know who you are. Your very self-consciousness indicates that you have not come home yet.”
“The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.”
“To whoever has my voodoo doll: take some of the stuffing out, I’m trying to lose weight!”
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me for not beating the fuck out of you the first time.”
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“Revenge” sounds so mean, that’s why I prefer to call it “returning the favor.”
“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”