35 Cool Funny Quotes & Witty Sayings

Funny Sayings Thoughts And Quotes can make you feel better if people are being mean to you. Let’s take a look at this humorous post. We are sure you’ll not just take pleasure in the funny sarcastic quotes but actually, love them. See more ideas about funny quotes, funny, and sarcastic quotes.

Our collection of 28 Cool Funny Quotes & Witty Sayings #pun which are short, easy to remember but still hilarious. Repeat or copy these quotes out to your friends to make them laugh!

  • Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.
  • A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
  • I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
  • People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Cool Funny Quotes

The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs.

Have you ever noticed that the people who tell you to calm down are the ones who pissed you off in the first place?

I don’t have a dirty mind; I have a sexy imagination. We should fuck-now-that-now kiss it.

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I’m sorry. If you were right, I’d agree with you.

I’m taking the cat; don’t try to stop me.

Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, then it’s probably

“I hate it when I’m on the treadmill and accidentally hit the stop button and go to Chipotle and eat a burrito.”

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else,

I am multi-talented! I can talk, annoy, and irritate you all at the same time!

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Funny Quotes

I am responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what you understand.

Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleepin’ control row row row row your boat gently off a cliff.

I’m not shy; I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

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Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking it so it hits someone else!

I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person. ~Oscar wilde.

My love for you is like diarrhea. I can’t hold it in.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

What do I do with my hands?

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Funny Quotes and Sayings

I like people who make me laugh. I honestly think that laughing is the thing I like most. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing about a person. (Audrey hepburn)

The more you weigh, the harder it is to kidnap you. Stay safe and eat cake.

I need to go on medication so I can slap stupid people and blame it on the side effects.

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Doing nothing is hard; you never know when you’re done.

“I am a ninja.” “No, you’re not.” “Did you see me do that?” “Do what?” “Exactly”.

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Witty Sayings

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.

28 Cool Funny Quotes Witty Sayings 5

Omg!! That wasn’t a fart.

Facebook is the place where most people post their problems for everyone to see, except the person with whom they’re having the problem!

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Funny Images and Quotes

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Top Pun & Sayings

#Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
#The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs.
#The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake.

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