60 Funniest Talladega Nights Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

The funniest Ricky Bobby quotes are some of the best Talladega Nights quotes in general as well as some of Will Ferrell’s most hilarious movie lines.

The success of a comedy may be measured in part by how well its memorable lines hold up over time. In this sense, there is an infinite number of humorous Talladega Nights quotations that help to solidify the film’s status as a classic.

Funniest Talladega Nights Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

Although there are a lot of humorous characters in the movie, and they all have memorable lines, the Ricky Bobby quotations are the ones that have stood the test of time and continue to make fans laugh out loud.

It was not difficult to add a couple more amusing phrases from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby because there were so many wonderful options to choose from.

Funniest Quotes On Talladega Nights

1. “We’ll use this knife to pry it out!” (trying to remove a knife in Ricky’s leg) — Lucius Washington

2. “One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!” – Texas Ranger

3. “Like the frightened baby chipmunk, you are scared by anything that is different.” — Jean Girard

Funniest Quotes On Talladega Nights

Funniest Quotes On Talladega Nights

4. “Old man, I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!” — Texas Ranger

5. “I’m just a big hairy American winning machine, you know?” – Ricky Bobby

6. “You don’t understand. You don’t understand because you don’t understand liberty. You don’t understand freedom. So, you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell! You hear me?” — Ricky Bobby

7. “From now on, it’s Magic Man and El Diablo.” — Ricky Bobby

8. “Break it, Pepé Le Pew.” — Ricky Bobby

9. “I sent in my application to The Real World, so I’m hoping to hear back from that. I’m putting a lot of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket.” — Ricky Bobby

10. “It won the Academy Award… Best movie ever made.” – Ricky Bobby

Best Talladega Nights Quotes From Ricky Bobby Jean

Best Talladega Nights Quotes From Ricky Bobby Jean

11. “One of you turds is gonna get smacked in the mouth!” – Texas Ranger

12. “My husband Gregory and I want only that what every other couple wants: to tame komodo dragons in Sri Lanka and teach them to perform Hamlet, but before I can do that…” – Jean Girard

13. “Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!” – Ricky Bobby

14. “Jesus did grow up.” – Carley Bobby

15. “Is that a catchphrase or epilepsy?” — Jean Girard

16. “No ma’am. I haven’t seen my daddy in years. But my mama says he’s out racing cars and, well, dipping his wick in anything that moves.” — Young Ricky Bobby

17. “I felt like I was on a spaceship.” — Ricky Bobby

18. “Got more plugs in him than a Circuit City.” – Carley Bobby

Talladega Nights Quotes From The Hilarious Racing Movie

Talladega Nights Quotes From The Hilarious Racing Movie

19. “Sir, you taste of America.” — Jean Girard

20. “Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby!” — Lucius Washington

21. “But before I can do that I must be beaten by a driver who is truly better than me.” – Jean Girard

22. “What is that, a catchphrase or is that epilepsy?” — Jean Girard

23. “This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.” – Ricky Bobby

24. [to the crew as they are speed-changing a customer’s tire] “Guys! No tires! We’re not a pit crew anymore, we’re a car wash team.” – Lucius Washington

25. “Did that blow your mind? Because that just happened!” – Ricky Bobby

26. “May God be with you, Monsieur Bobby. Because although today I am friendly. Tomorrow will be war!” – Jean Girard

27. “I’m going fast.” — Young Ricky Bobby

28. “Look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, And I’m sayin’ grace. When You say grace, You can say it to Grownup Jesus or Teenage Jesus or Bearded Jesus or whoever You want.” — Ricky Bobby

29. “It’s in the Geneva Convention!” — Ricky Bobby

30. “See you when you’re grown up.” — Reese Bobby

31. “Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! Don’t you put that on us! You are NOT paralyzed!” — Lucius Washington

32. “You’ve gotta cross over the anger bridge and come back to the friendship shore.” — Cal Naughton Jr.

33. “Bon. So, what if you just said: ‘I love really thin pancakes?’ That is a fair compromise, no?” – Jean Girard

34. “Dear Lord Baby Jesus, or as our brothers to the south call you, Jesús, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino’s, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell.” — Ricky Bobby

35. “I don’t know what to do with my hands.” – Ricky Bobby

36. “I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt, cause it says, like, I want to be formal but I want to party too. Cause I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.” — Cal Naughton Jr.

37. “Sorry Lucius, but it’s a hard habit to break, like stalking an ex-girlfriend.” — Glenn

38. “Susan, I’ve never heard You talk like that… Are we about to get it on? Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.” — Ricky Bobby

39. “Will You be my… Katie Couric?” — Jean Girard

40. “Girard is sitting on the pole, which is a statement of fact And in no way a comment on his sexual orientation.” — PA Announcer

41. Reese: “You got big. How long’s it been? Three, four months?” Ricky: “Ten years.” Reese: “Ten years? Man, I’ve gotta lay off the peyote.”

42. “Well, let me give you a saying from Colonel Sanders. I am too drunk to taste this chicken.” — Ricky Bobby

43. “I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer, dressed in an all-white jumpsuit, and doing an interpretive dance of my life.” — Cal Naughton, Jr.

44. “It’s not always bad to be in last place. Here’s some things we can focus on. We tried hard and We’re still dear friends.” — Glenn

45. “It’s the fastest who gets paid and it’s the fastest who gets laid.” – Reese Bobby

46. “Here’s the deal—I’m the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.” — Ricky Bobby

47. “Hang on, Baby Jesus, this is gon’ get bumpy!” — Ricky Bobby

48. “I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I’m here to party.” – Cal Naughton, Jr.

49. “No, I don’t know what that means, I guess longer lives.” — Lucius Washington

50. “Aaaaah, Ricky Bobby! Now we shall dance. And yes, it will be a slow jam.” – Jean Girard

51. “From now on, you’re the Magic Man and I’m El Diablo.” – Ricky Bobby

52. “I hope that both of you have sons… Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons, who are talented and star athletes and they have their legs taken away. I mean I pray you know that pain and that hurt.” – Ricky Bobby

53. “I’m not sure what to do with my hands.” – Ricky Bobby

54. “Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said…’I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.’”— Ricky Bobby

55. “I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There’s no shame in that.” — Cal Naughton, Jr.

56. “We go together like cocaine and waffles.” — Cal Naughton Jr.

57. “Time to let the cougar loose.” — Ricky Bobby

58. “You gotta learn to drive with the fear, and there ain’t nothing more God damn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car.” — Reese Bobby

59. “I came here to tell you one thing: come race time tomorrow, I’m coming for you.” – Ricky Bobby

60. “I wanna go fast. I wanna go fast.” — Young Ricky Bobby

Ricky Bobby, known as “the quickest man on four wheels,” is considered to be one of the best drivers in the history of NASCAR. Ricky is a huge, hairy American winning machine, and he has everything a dimwitted daredevil could desire, including a magnificent house, a smokin’ sexy wife, and all the fast food he can eat. Ricky is a winner. But Ricky’s high-octane existence encounters an unanticipated speed bump when he is defeated by the flashy Euro-idiot Jean Girard and reduced to a terrified mess as a result.

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