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120 Sarcastic Quotes and Funny Sarcasm Sayings

Sarcastic Quotes: sarcastic jokes and chuckleheaded observations that make you laugh. Comments on life will have an impact on the spirit. Read these intensely if you’re a lover of sarcasm and find the particularly biting sarcasm especially delicious. Some people might find sarcasm funny, but only if they’ve developed a distaste for dry humor. Always have your head up, with your middle finger in the air. Once you begin to communicate your new outlook to the people around you, they will note your new attitude towards them, but not be able to divine any evidence of it, as to explain.

sarcastic quotes

Sarcastic quotes about love – The happier you are when your girlfriend falls in love with someone else, the less you’ll be if she falls in love with you. Staying sad does not get the job doesn’t matter; you’d better make yourself content with what you have. A half-truth is a significant part of a bigger untruth. At the end of all things, a believer believes that we live in the finest of all possible worlds. It may be argued that this is the case. If there is no answer, that means the question was irrelevant. It is a very good ability. This is essential.

Sarcastic quotes about life lessons – I’m not so convinced that money will buy love, but it certainly gets you a very advantageous negotiating spot. We have elegantly given the term “romance” it’s due and thus stated that it is the child of fantasy and passion. A match made in heaven…a tool used by the angelic fallen being This is for the sake of your karma; I pray karma punishes you before I get my hands on you. It is your option. You will either be with me, or be opposed to me, fight with me, or get out of the way. In my little way, I’m opposed to idiocy is my mortal enemy. Try our sarcastic inspirational quotes

Sarcastic Quotes

1. “I love sleeping it’s like being dead without the commitment”

sarcastic quotes

2. “I’m not anti-social I’m just anti-bullshit”

sarcastic quotes

3. “I’m 99% angel, but ohhhh, that 1%.”

sarcastic quotes

4. “All of our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All of our cats think we got fired for being the loser they always knew we were.”

5. “Human logic: Cut the trees, made paper with them, and write “Save the trees”

sarcastic quotes

6. “I tried to put myself in your shoes but they were cheap and ugly, just like you.”

sarcastic quotes

7. “I’m actually not funny I’m just mean and people think I’m joking”

sarcastic quotes

8. “We are experiencing the only time in history where lazy people have a better chance of survival.”

sarcastic quotes

9. “Some people should use a glue stick instead of chapstick”

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10. “Oh, ok. (phr.) I thought you and I were on the same page, I thought you understand me, but you don’t.”

funny sarcasm sayings

11. “In India any time is tea-time”

funny sarcasm sayings

12. “Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence. Eat bacon.”

funny sarcasm sayings

13. “I just stepped on a cornflake. Now I am officially a cereal killer.”

funny sarcasm sayings

14. “People keep telling me that the right person will come along… Honestly, I think mine got hit by a truck.”

funny sarcasm sayings

15. “Good morning happy Saturday you awake? Smile!”

funny sarcasm sayings

16. “The short answer is no. The long answer is oh fuck no.”

17. “Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world an idiot is pulling a door that says “Push”.”

18. “Being normal?! I just can’t imagine how awful that must be!”

19. “I have multiple personalities and none of them like you.”

20. “In bed, its 6 am. You close your eyes for five minutes, it’s 7:45. At work, it’s 1:30. You close your eyes for five minutes, it’s 1:31.”

21. “I haven’t lost my mind. Half of it just wandered off and the other half went to look for it.”

22. “I hate when people confuse education with intelligence. You can have a degree and still be an idiot”

23. “If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money I’d just laugh and search with them.”

24. “10 Fun Facts 1. You can’t wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can’t count your hair. 3. You can’t breathe through your nose, with your tongue out. 4. You just tried no.3 6. When you did no. 3 you realized it’s possible, only you look like a dog. 7. You’re smiling right now because you were fooled. 8. You skipped no.5. 9. You just checked to see if there is a no. 5 10. Share this with your friends to have some fun too!”

25. “Interesting Confusions 1. Can you cry underwater? 2. Do fishes ever get thirsty? 3. Why don’t birds fall off trees when they sleep? 4. Why is it called building when it is already built? 5. When do they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it? 6. If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have branches? 7. Why does round pizza come in a square box? 8. Why doesn’t glue stick to its bottle? The crazy world isn’t it?”

26. “F.R.I.E.N.D.S (F)ight for you. (R)espect you. (I)nclude you. (E)ncourage you. (N)eed you. (D)eserve you. (S)tand by you.”

27. “Best friends: You laugh, I laugh, you cry, I cry, you fall, I laugh then I fall too because I was laughing so hard.”

28. “Since there only one of me… Does that make me endangered or a limited edition?”

29. “I’m an odd combination of “Really sweet” and “Don’t mess with me.”

30. “I’m so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.”

31. “MATH Mental Abuse To Humans.”

32. “Teacher: “Why are you talking during my lesson?” Student: “Why are you teaching during my conversation?”

33. “My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately, that when I pee it cleans the toilet.”

34. “If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge???”

35. “I am in one of those moods where I just want to throw a book at someone’s face and be like: “I Facebooked you.”

36. “My cooking is so fabulous.. Even the smoke alarm cheers me on!”

37. “Dear Maths, I am tired of finding your x. Just move on buddy, she’s gone.”

38. “I changed my car horn to sound like gunshots… People get out of the way much faster now!”

39. “You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?”

40. “When your friend is like:”

41. “If a woman says, “Do what you want,” do not do what you want. Stand still, don’t blink, don’t answer, don’t even breathe. Just play dead.”

42. “Next time a stranger talks to me when I am alone, I will just look at him shocked, and just whisper-quiet can see me?”

43. “If I got kidnapped they’d probably give me back after 20 minutes because I’m annoying.”

44. “Admit it you pushed a door that says pull”

45. “Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.”

46. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”

47. “I still can’t believe people’s survival instincts told them to grab toilet paper.”

48. “Why do they call it “Beauty sleep” when you wake up looking like a troll!”

49. “Patience: What you have when there are too many witnesses.”

50. “When I call my parents, & they don’t answer it’s no big deal but when they call me & I don’t answer it’s like world war III.”

51. “Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.”

52. “5 Kinds of Fear: – Panic –Terror -15 missed calls from mom – “Wrong password” – “We need to talk”

53. “I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, & the wall gets in the way….”

54. “10 Things I know about you: 1) You are reading this 2) You are human 3) You can’t say the letter “P” without separating your lips 4) You just tried to do it 6) You are laughing at yourself 7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped number 5 8) You just checked to see if there is a number 5 9) You laugh at this because you are an idiot (but everyone else does it too if that makes you feel any better) 10) You are going to repin this to see who else falls for it”

55. “I’m not short, I’m just more down to earth than other people.”

56. “At night I can’t sleep. In the morning I can’t wake up..”

57. “- Me: I want to travel. – Bank account: Where? To work?”

58. “I’m seriously the nicest and meanest person you will ever meet. Now fuck off and have a great day.”

59. “We all know someone who speaks fluent shit.”

60. “Dear Easter bunny, this year could you please fill my eggs with health and happiness and deliver them to everyone that I love. Thank you.”

61. “First time in history we can save the human race by lying in front of the T.V. and doing nothing lets not screw this up”

62. “Dear best friend you are salt of the coffee fork of my soup jam to my pizza the point is you are useless”

63. “Read this out loud! This is this cat. This is is a cat. This is how to cat. This is to cat. This is to keep the cat. This is a cat. This is an idiot cat. This is a busy cat. This is for cats. This is forty cats. This is a second cat. Now go back and read the third word only in each line from the start.”

64. “Rules when I first wake up: 1. Everyone shut the hell up 2. Get out of my way 3. Don’t ask me any damn questions”

65. “A woman didn’t come home one night. The next day she told her husband she had slept over at a friend’s house. The man called his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them knew about it. Then one day, the man didn’t come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The woman called her husband’s 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two”

66. “Sometimes being silly… with a friend is the best therapy!”

67. “*Monday *Tuesday * Wednesday * Thursday * Friday *I blinked * Monday”

68. “Happy St. Patrick’s day good morning”

69. “Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?”

70. “When social distancing is over, let’s not tell some people.”

71. “Let’s all take a moment to be thankful that I don’t own a taser.”

72. “I don’t know who did this, I love it. Such a special year. Needed a logo.”

73. My ex has three spirit animals…. Lion, Ass, Cheetah”

74. “An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough”

75. “Multitasking (v.) screwing up several things at once.”

76. “Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a fuck about what’s truly fuckworthy.”

77. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”

78. “People who tolerate me daily…. They’re the real heroes.”

79. “The devil whispered to me, “I’m coming for you”. I whispered back, “Bring tacos”.”

80. “The more I get to know people, the more I realize why Noah only let animals on the boat.”

81. “You look like something I drew with my left hand.”

82. “Mirrors dont lie and lucky for you they dont laugh”

83. “My mother doesn’t raise a fool. A psychotic cold-hearted bitch… But not a fool.”

84. “Tell me not to do something and I will do it twice and take pictures.”

85. “What doesn’t kill you. Disappoints me.”

86. “Me: Not today satan Satan: Oh thank god because even I can’t deal with your life right now”

87. “When someone asks where do you see yourself in 10 years… buddy. I’m just trying to make it to Friday.”

88. “ “Are you busy tomorrow?” that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.”

89. “Not my circus, not my monkeys. But I definitely know the clowns.”

90. “I can explain it for you but I can’t understand it for you.”

91. “I hug people that I hate so that I know how big to dig the hole in my backyard.”

92. “Roses are dead, love is fake, weddings are basically funerals with cake.”

93. “I do not spew profanities. I enunciate them clearly, like a fucking lady.”

94. “Don’t take yourself so seriously, no one else does.”

95. “Row row row your boat gently the fuck away from me”

96. “People need to start appreciating the effort I put in to not be a serial killer.”

97. “Not to brag or anything but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.”

98. “Queens don’t compete with hoes.”

99. “I didn’t mean to push your buttons. I was just looking for mute.”

100. “Sarchotic: [adj.] When you’re so sarcastic, people aren’t sure whether you’re joking or whether you’re just crazy.”

101. “Sorry, I’m late. I got here as soon as I wanted to.”

102. “You’re just like math. I hate math.”

103. “In India, you cannot kiss in public but you can piss in public”

104. “When people see you laying down with your eyes closed, they still ask “Are you sleeping?” “No, I’m training to die.”

105. “An apple a day is bullshit. Apples are dangerous. Just look at eve, snow-white, blackberry, or any pig at a luau.”

106. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”

107. “If you ran like your mouth, you’d be in good shape.”

108. “To insult me, I must first value your opinion.. nice try though.”

109. “Shhhh… No one cares”

110. “If it says “First of all” run away because I have prepared research, data, charts and will destroy you.”

111. “Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.”

112. “When someone says: “Expect the unexpected” slap them and say: “You didn’t expect that, did you?”

113. “Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”

114. “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”

115. “I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”

116. “Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”

117. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”

118. “Your flexibility amazes me. How do you get your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass all at the same time?”

119. “I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?”

120. “Do you ever feel the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren’t talking?”

121. “Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”

122. “We all know someone who speaks fluent shit.”

123. “If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”

124. “Find your patience before I lose mine.”

125. “Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I’d go up to a bank teller with a mask on asking for money.”

126. “I would like to apologize to anyone I have not yet offended. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly.”

127. “I wish people came with a 30-second trailer. So I can see what I’m getting myself into.”

128. “Common sense is not a gift, it’s a punishment. Because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.”

129. “Goest & fucketh thyself”

130. “I’m shy at first but… I do the stupidest random shit when I get comfortable with someone.”

131. “I have to keep reminding myself that I’m an adult and will be charged as one.”

132. “I could eat a can of alphabet soup & shit a better argument than yours.”

133. “Romeo and Juliet is not a love story. It’s a 3 – day relationship between a 13 – year – old and a 17 – year – old that caused 6 deaths.”

134. “Don’t bother walking a mile my shoes, that would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head, that’ll freak you right out.”

135. “I love it when people think they are going to punish me by not talking to me.”

136. “Think about it – every single corpse on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person. Stay lazy my friends.”

137. “After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF”

138. “No, I checked my receipt. I didn’t buy any of your bullshit.”

139. “I just rolled my eyes so hard I saw my brain.”

140. “I may look calm but in my mind, I’ve killed you three times.”

141. “Your opinion matters not to me, but I’m sure someone somewhere cares at least a little bit”

142. “Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?”

143. “Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… look at the platypus.”

144. “I’m not saying your perfume is too strong. I’m just saying the canary was alive before you got here”

145. “I have concluded that buying craft supplies and actually using them are two separate hobbies.”

146. “Today I tested positive for sick of this shit – 20 there’s no cure and I may or may not be contagious”

147. “Twinkle twinkle little snitch, mind your business nosey bitch.”

148. “If they had just called it “the stay at the home challenge” and posted it on Facebook, the virus would be gone by now.”

149. “I always mean what I say… … I may not always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.”

150. “Yes, I know there’s a special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.”

151. “What (and I can’t stress this enough) the fuck.”

152. “If u listen closely u can hear me not caring”

153. “Don’t get me started, I don’t come with brakes.”

154. “Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down by being told to calm down.”

155. “Don’t stand too close to the heater babe. Plastic melts.”

156. “I wear all black to remind you not to mess with me because I’m already dressed for your funeral.”

157. “Roses are red, shit is brown. Shut the fuck up, and sit the fuck down.”

158. “I respectfully don’t care.”

159. “I’m always forced to do shit I’m not qualified for. Like being nice to fucking idiots.”

160. “In India, there are two kinds of people positive & relatives”

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Final Thoughts on Sarcastic Quotes

I express myself in obscenities. Giving up and realizing that you’ve had enough, perhaps, that that could be the difference between life and death. You don’t value me if you don’t make any effort to protect my well-being. It is especially important to make an immaculate member of a flock, in that order to be above all else. When things are difficult, you need to move on to the troubles and just give yourself a little time to mull it over before addressing the issue. splendidly smart remarks I’m not old enough/haven’t learned enough yet. In my opinion, World War III may have begun with bombs and may end with bombs. But, World War IV is more likely to be waged with sticks and stones.

Drugs allow patients to face their difficulties with patience and reality is a crutch for those who can’t deal with it. Men have been given a penis and a brain, but have not been granted sufficient blood circulation to simultaneously use both of these body parts. You send a man a fish and you feed him for a day. You don’t teach him to swim. You don’t even try. There are a variety of sarcastic, miscellaneous laws collectively derived from Murphy’s, which are valid around the board. Everything just seems to go downhill when the adults aren’t there.

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