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110 Funny Quotes About Men and Sarcastic Sayings

Funny Quotes About Men: Single men and married men are the two types of men who do not have much of a chance of getting a wife. fortune in their women in the future because they expect them to earn more money than if they stay married. A man who has been in the same place of employment for years will still keep on working for the same organization.

funny quotes about men

Many, many women can be found at the rear of every mediocre man, but not every good woman is front-of-line, not even if she fails as well. Men are just like toilets; they’re complicated, uncomfortable, and filthy. I would never compare dogs to men, as much as I don’t find them grossly inferior. Many men can see things better than many women realize, so it is always better to be pretty rather than clever.

To be wealthy, one must earn more than one spends, regardless of how much one loves his wife. One can be a genius if one is able to rewrap an entirely new shirt with no pins being seen. You can put food in a starving man’s belly if you give him a fish. If you won’t meet anyone else, say “I love you,” if you still want to be married, “I want to marry you.”

Funny Quotes About Men

“Men are always concerned about things that women miss, and women are always concerned about things that men recall.”

“Men are similar to a pair of high-heeled shoes that you wear. Using them for a while and then replacing them with a new set.”

“An incision is needed to gain access to a man’s heart.”

“Three terms are sure to embarrass men everywhere: Please take care of my bag.”

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“God was laughing when he made man.”

man vs woman funny quotes and funny memes

man vs woman funny quotes and funny memes

“Chase a man and he will flee; sit still and avoid him, and he will come purring at your feet.”

“Since men don’t believe there is anything they don’t read, there is so little guidance in men’s magazines. Women are the ones that do so. Women are eager to read. I know what I’m doing, just show me someone nude, men believe.”

“Men are unconcerned with what is on television. They are just interested in what else is on television.”

“It’s difficult to keep a marriage together. About the fact that my wife kisses the dog on the lips, she refuses to drink from my mug.”

“I was honest with my mom. I told her that I had scheduled an appointment with a therapist. Then she admitted what I already knew: she was seeing a doctor, two plumbers, and a waitress.”

Funny Men Quotes and Sayings Funny images

Funny Men Quotes and Sayings Funny images

“When a woman seeks a man’s view, she offers it.”

“A husband is someone who, after throwing out the garbage, seems to have cleaned the whole home!”

“Until he owns a new car and a white coat, a man should never be too patient.”

“Often, keep in mind that when SHE cancels a date, it is for a reason. She is obligated to. However, when he cancels a date, it is for a reason. He has two of them.”

“If you don’t excel at first, you’re obviously a man.”

“Men are a lot like advertisements in that you can’t trust what they say. Men are similar to buses… If you lose one, another will arrive in five minutes. What do clouds and men have in common? ….. It’s a good day when none of them is there!”

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“Men would rather buy you a beer than lend you money to support themselves.”

“A man once requested that a genie make him smarter than any other man on the planet. He was transformed into a woman by the genie.”

“Men are like bank accounts; they don’t attract any interest if they don’t have any.”

“A man, if he possesses all of the virtues of a MAN, may be considered one of the WORLD ‘S WONDERS…”

“Menopause, menstrual cramps, psychiatric illness, and mental breakdowns are all things that women go through.”

Funny Men Quotes and Sayings with funny pictures

Funny Men Quotes and Sayings with funny pictures

“Have you ever noticed that all of your issues stem from men?”

“A wealthy man earns more than his wife would afford. A good woman would be able to locate such a man.”

“Never put your faith in a husband who is too far away or a bachelor who is too near.”

“Every good man has a woman who is taken aback.”

“Women that are sad eat or browse. Another country has been invaded by men.”

“Men are plain creatures. They will get through the weekend with just three items: beer, boxer shorts, and remote control batteries.”

“Bachelors and husbands are two types of men who don’t get women.”

“My mother claims that men are merely alive to mow lawns and maintain vehicles.”

“Say, “I love you, I want to marry you,” if you never want to see a man again. They leave skid marks as they say, ‘I want to have children…’”

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“Women will now make their own decisions. They may be married or not married, have a job or not have a job, be married or unmarried with children, and so on. Men have the same choice as women: job or jail.”

“To persuade a man to do something, say that he is too old for it.”

“A genius is someone who can rewrap a new shirt without leaving any pins behind.”

“A woman without a man is like a bicycle-riding shark.”

“I wear a perfume called New Car Interior to draw men.”

“Women don’t make fools of men; in fact, the majority of them are do-it-yourselfers.”

“You see a lot of smart men dating stupid women, but you rarely see a smart woman dating a dumb man.”

“A gentleman is essentially a patient wolf.”

“Men with pierced ears, in my opinion, are best suited for marriage. They’ve been through agony and purchased jewels as a result.”

“Why wouldn’t they take all of them to the moon if they could send a man?”

“A man will feed for a day if he is given a fish. Teach a man to fish, and he and his buddies will go fishing every Saturday.”

“I never knew that men were referred to as pigs and puppies…”

“Pigs are intelligent, and dogs are devoted.”

“Don’t put your heart in a man who promises you the moon and the stars… Since his limbs aren’t long enough to go too far.”

“Often, they choose a handsome, intelligent, and caring young man. However, make certain that the three boys do not come into contact with one another.”

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“The only thing that separates boys and men is the cost of their toys!”

“Simply tell a person that they are decent at video games if you want to praise him.”

“He’s a decent man who doesn’t flirt, drink, smoke, or gamble, and his kids are adopted.”

“The perfect man doesn’t flirt, doesn’t drink, doesn’t cigarettes, doesn’t gamble, and doesn’t even live.”

“Men with pierced ears, in my opinion, are best suited for marriage. They’ve been through agony and purchased jewels as a result.”

“In the country, there are three groups of men. Men are aware that they are being oppressed by women. Men are unaware that they are being oppressed by women. Bachelors, too!!”

“Little girls mature into ladies… Big boys grow up to be little boys.”

“What do clouds and men have in common? It’s a good day when none of them are there!”

“BUSES ARE LIKE MEN… A NEW ONE WILL BE COMING IN 5 MINUTES IF YOU MISS THE FIRST.”

“A man with a headache awoke to see a rose, an aspirin, water, and a note on his bedside table that read: Breakfast is on the table, I’m off to the supermarket. When he got down the stairs, he ran into his son and asked him what had happened the night before. His son explained, “You came home drunk and shouted at mom as she tried to kiss you.” I’m married, so get off, lady! Having wasted costs $65 Calling a taxi when inebriated costs $21.50. It’s priceless to say the right word at the right time.”

“Men are similar to chocolate bars… They’re good and soft, but they’re aimed squarely at your hips.”

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“Men, Coffee, and Chocolate The more money you have, the better!”

“The Earth is the source of both men and women. Take care of it.”

“There are a lot of men and a lot of aspirin.”

“Perfect numbers, like perfect men, are very hard to come by.”

“Some products are richer, such as chocolate, men, and coffee.”

“Men marry women in the hopes that they will stay the same forever. Women marry men in the hopes of them changing. They are both dissatisfied.”

“In the United States, 80% of married men lie. In Europe, the rest of the world cheats.”

“I’ve never despised a man enough to return his jewels.”

“I don’t believe that women are superior to men, but I do believe that men are inferior to women.”

“It’s a well-known phenomenon that men don’t ask for directions. It’s a biochemical phenomenon. This explains why, because the egg is the size of Wisconsin in comparison to them, it takes several million sperm cells to find a female egg.”

“I’m a man. When did we last do anything right the first time?”

“When you’re near them, they remain attached, but when you’re not, they look for new gadgets.”

“Why are intelligent women attractive to men? Since opposites are drawn together!”

“I enjoy my men as much as I enjoy my coffee. I was pulled across the mountains in a burlap sack.”

“You’re aware… There’s a term for people who are consistently mistaken about everything… Bill Maher exclaims, “Husband!!!”

“The man isn’t a puppy, and he won’t chase after bones.”

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“Things a man will never utter…”

“Husbands are comparable to great wine. It takes time for them to mature.”

“– The film Letters to Juliet.”

“A woman requires a man in the same way as fish needs a bicycle.”

“A man is still willing to go; it is the woman who decides whether to go or not!”

“God told women that a decent and perfect man would be found in all corners of the world when He created men, and then He made the earth round.”

“Men… I don’t understand them; they waste 9 months of their lives hoping to come out and the remainder of their lives attempting to gain access.”

“Men, like trees, take a long time to mature.”

“A monkey can fly a plane, but we can’t teach a man to be humble.”

“Men are like parking spaces; all of the decent ones are filled, and the only ones left are disabled.”

“Women pretend to have orgasms, and men pretend to have money.”

“Men come from Mars, women from Venus, and ex-lovers come from Uranus.”

“He has fantasies of grandeur, but he is actually magnificent!”

“Men are a lot like advertisements in that you can’t trust what they say.”

“Some people believe that a woman with big breasts is stupid. In reality, having big breasts makes men crazy, not the other women around.”

“The dry cleaner is a good place to meet a man. These men are normally employed and bathe.”

“Just one man in a thousand leads a group of men; the other 999 are led by women.”

“Any good man has a woman by his side, his wife.”

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“What you need to know about men and women is that women are insane and men are dumb. And men’s stupidity is the primary cause of women’s insanity.”

“Men are like toilets; they’re deep, dim, and stinky!”

“The only difference between men and dogs is their barking pace!”

“Men have a hard time following instructions. However, once they know the course is right, they take full responsibility.”

“Dogs are not to be compared to men; they are much superior.”

“Why do men behave like dogs if humans are descended from monkeys?”

“Men are similar to purses. Cute, full of nonsense, and easily replaceable. :)”

“If you miss this, just give it a minute and they’ll remind you again.”

“Q: Why is it so difficult to find a loving, considerate, and nice man?”

“Since he already has a boyfriend, of course.”

“Both men are canines. It’s just that some animals make better pets than others!”

“There is a woman behind every good man, and there are many women behind every failed man.”

“Men are similar to blenders. You’re aware that you need one, but you’re unsure why.”

“Boys are like dogs in that they run away and then return the following day.”

“Shouldn’t men be in the workshop with all the other equipment if women belong in the kitchen? (-:)”

“You can’t trust a woman who doesn’t have any money to be cynical. And don’t expect a man with a lot of money to be optimistic.”

“They all claim to be special, but in fact, they’re all just boys.”

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“There are only two flaws in men: what they say and what they do.”

“Monogamy, most men believe, is what dining room tables are made of.”

“We would not be aware of sin if it were not for women. Adam would already be on point if it weren’t for Eve.”

“Men can see much better than women can imagine, so women would rather be pretty than clever.”

“The more men I see, the more I like dogs…”

“There are more important things in life than finding a good person, such as nailing jelly to a branch.”

“Single men and husbands are the two types of men who don’t get women.”

“Wise women still help their women’s careers because they believe they’re investing in a higher-than-expected alimony in the future.”

“Bigamy is having more than one wife, and crazy is having more than one husband!”

“Early to bed, early to rise, they claim, makes a man well, prosperous, and smart. I’m not sure if this is entirely true because I’ve never seen a well-off, wealthy, or wise man.”

“Men and boys are only distinguished by the size of their shoes and the cost of their toys.”

“No matter how many times a married man switches jobs, he still ends up with the same employer.”

“Since any good thing requires a blueprint, God created men.”

“Why aren’t men affected by Mad Cow Disease? They’re just cows, after all.”

“Men are the family’s ears, while women are the neck, with the ability to turn their head however they choose.”

“One fact that all men should be aware of is that it is less expensive to hold her.”

“When you see a homeless man, don’t feel sorry for him. He should have heeded his wife’s advice.”

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