Get ready to LOL – if you are looking for the funniest quotes and funny images to share, we have got them! – Share! These Funniest Quotes and hilarious sayings will make you laugh. Read and share these funny quotes from famous comedians, actors, authors, TV shows, and movies.
15 Funniest Quotes
♥ “My favorite emails are the ones that tell me my order has been shipped.”
♥ “Instructor: welcome to salsa class! Who’s ready to learn how to dance? Me, hiding a bag of tortilla chips: there’s been a misunderstanding.”
♥ “You attract what you fear. Oh my god, I’m so scared of $10.6 billion.”
♥ “Is anyone confident with how they say “Worcestershire sauce”? Sli control stress is caused by giving a fuck.”
♥ “I don’t pretend to be anything I am not… Except for sober, I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.”
♥ “Apparently ‘macros’ isn’t short for macaroni and cheese.”
♥ “My kid is turning out just like me well played karma.”
♥ “*Typing…” (V.) If the text doesn’t appear in 5 seconds, I’m gonna go.”
♥ “Don’t half-ass anything whatever you do, always use your full ass.”
♥ “You’re still a rockstar,” I whisper to myself as I take a multivitamin and go to bed at 9.45 pm.”
♥ “You know you’re old when you watch home alone and calculate what their mortgage must be. Hello lovely studio”
♥ “If you figure me out I want an explanation.”
♥ “My daughter has been asking for more independence lately so this morning I took her out for breakfast and asked for separate checks. -Mommy owl-”
♥ “What starts with ‘p’ and ends with ‘orn’? Popcorn perv.”
♥ “I need sugar, spice, and a large pizza slice.”
♥ “Don’t rush me, I’m waiting for the last minute.”
♥ “I’m not a morning person. I’m not a night owl. But I can rock 11:30 am like nobody’s business.”
14 Funny Quotes About Life
♥ “I run on caffeine dry shampoo and amazon prime.”
♥ “Lead me not into temptation. Oh, who am I kidding, follow me, I know a shortcut.”
♥ “Not all goodbyes are sad. Example: goodbye, school.”
♥ “When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and rebel orcus ask, “Why, what did you hear??”
♥ “This whole “having a job” thing is getting in the way of me living my best life.”
♥ “I’m not the same person I was when I bought all this produce. I had dreams then.”
♥ “I’ve got 99 problems and at least 20 can be solved with a trip to Target.”
♥ “If I was a Jedi, there’s a 100% chance I would use force inappropriately.”
♥ “Hello 911 I can’t stop eating.”
♥ “Friend: what are you doing today? Me: livin’ the thug life. Friend: laundry? Me: yeah.”
♥ “The most important thing I’ve learned in life, and I can’t stress this enough: you gotta make a salad in a bigger bowl than you think”
♥ “That moment you flex your foot wrong and it cramps. You think ‘This is it. This is how it ends.”
♥ “Can’t get out of bed! Send help or waffles. Just send waffles.”
♥ “A waffle is just a more considerate pancake. It’s like here, let me hold that syrup for you, in these convenient boxes. Brel-aced”
11 Hilarious Quotes About Life
♥ “I think I’ve seized the wrong fucking day.”
♥ “I may act like I’m okay but deep down inside I’m hungry again.”
♥ “Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can, and wine to accept the things I can’t.”
♥ “On the surface: cool as a cucumber on the inside: squirrel in traffic.”
♥ “I’m holding a cup of coffee, so yeah, I’m pretty busy.”
♥ “Do not drink and wrap presents. Also, if anyone gets a remote control for Christmas, I’m gonna need that back.”
♥ “Saturday is for shopping (online, & in bed.)”
♥ “Siri, remove my makeup.”
♥ “Wow, that was rather inappropriate. Let’s be friends.”
♥ “You know when you buy a bag of salad & it gets all brown & soggy? Cookies don’t do that.”
♥ “Me: goodnight. Brain: pssst. Me: what? Brain: what disease do you think we have? @Rebel circus”
♥ “I don’t think I could ever stab someone. I mean, let’s be honest. I can barely get the straw in the Capri sun.”
♥ “Patience. What you have when there are too many witnesses.”
10 Witty Sayings
♥ “Pretty wild how we used to eat cake after someone had blown on it… Good times…”
♥ “Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at rat snitch brian the good-time ruiner.”
♥ “Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 5.”
♥ “Syd @sydneyreneec one of my 6-year-olds started crying today and when I asked why she said, “I don’t wanna grow up because I can’t bake, I can only make cereal, and furniture is expensive” literally.”
♥ “Dating texts: ‘Baby, I don’t feel good.’ Married texts: ‘I’ve had diarrhea seven times today.”
♥ “Instagram instagram.com milknhoneynutrition. Follow sugar land, texas spilling coffee is the adult equivalent of losing your balloon.”
♥ “Coffee my birthstone is a coffee bean.”
♥ “I’ll get over it. I just gotta be dramatic first.”
♥ “Impulse control needs the occasional day off.”
♥ “I just know I will die trying to pet something I shouldn’t.”
Famous funny guy “A day without laughter is a day wasted,” Charlie Chaplin once said, and we couldn’t agree more. Laughter is the best medicine, whether you’re having a bad day or know someone who could use a little pick-me-up. Plus, there are so many ways to make yourself laugh. You can lighten up your day by telling corny jokes or watching feel-good comedies, but if you need a quick fix, we have a lot of funny quotes that are sure to ease the tension and give you a little joy in the middle of life’s stresses.
We have funny quotes about love, marriage, getting older, being a parent, making friends, and a lot of other things that anyone can relate to. Grab your favorites for greeting cards, social media captions, or just to print and hang them above your desk as a little reminder that life isn’t that serious, and we’re all much better off laughing than crying. Here are the best laugh-out-loud quotes from well-known comedians like Betty White, Joan Rivers, Lucille Ball, and Phyllis Diller. Read them whenever you need a good laugh. Trying to find more ideas? Check out these funny graduation quotes and these life-affirming quotes as well.