55 Funniest Quotes Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

Get ready to LOL – if you are looking for the funniest quotes and funny images to share, we have got them! – Share! These Funniest Quotes and hilarious sayings will make you laugh. Read and share these funny quotes from famous comedians, actors, authors, TV shows, and movies.

15 Funniest Quotes

“My favorite emails are the ones that tell me my order has been shipped.”

“Instructor: welcome to salsa class! Who’s ready to learn how to dance? Me, hiding a bag of tortilla chips: there’s been a misunderstanding.”

“You attract what you fear. Oh my god, I’m so scared of $10.6 billion.”

“Is anyone confident with how they say “Worcestershire sauce”? Sli control stress is caused by giving a fuck.”

“I don’t pretend to be anything I am not… Except for sober, I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.”

“Apparently ‘macros’ isn’t short for macaroni and cheese.”

Funniest Quotes Guaranteed to Make You Laugh 1

“My kid is turning out just like me well played karma.”

“*Typing…” (V.) If the text doesn’t appear in 5 seconds, I’m gonna go.”

“Don’t half-ass anything whatever you do, always use your full ass.”

“You’re still a rockstar,” I whisper to myself as I take a multivitamin and go to bed at 9.45 pm.”

“You know you’re old when you watch home alone and calculate what their mortgage must be. Hello lovely studio”

“If you figure me out I want an explanation.”

“My daughter has been asking for more independence lately so this morning I took her out for breakfast and asked for separate checks. -Mommy owl-”

“What starts with ‘p’ and ends with ‘orn’? Popcorn perv.”

“I need sugar, spice, and a large pizza slice.”

“Don’t rush me, I’m waiting for the last minute.”

“I’m not a morning person. I’m not a night owl. But I can rock 11:30 am like nobody’s business.”

14 Funny Quotes About Life

“I run on caffeine dry shampoo and amazon prime.”

“Lead me not into temptation. Oh, who am I kidding, follow me, I know a shortcut.”

“Not all goodbyes are sad. Example: goodbye, school.”

“When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and rebel orcus ask, “Why, what did you hear??”

“This whole “having a job” thing is getting in the way of me living my best life.”

“I’m not the same person I was when I bought all this produce. I had dreams then.”

Funniest Quotes Guaranteed to Make You Laugh 3

“I’ve got 99 problems and at least 20 can be solved with a trip to Target.”

“If I was a Jedi, there’s a 100% chance I would use force inappropriately.”

“Hello 911 I can’t stop eating.”

“Friend: what are you doing today? Me: livin’ the thug life. Friend: laundry? Me: yeah.”

“The most important thing I’ve learned in life, and I can’t stress this enough: you gotta make a salad in a bigger bowl than you think”

“That moment you flex your foot wrong and it cramps. You think ‘This is it. This is how it ends.”

“Can’t get out of bed! Send help or waffles. Just send waffles.”

“A waffle is just a more considerate pancake. It’s like here, let me hold that syrup for you, in these convenient boxes. Brel-aced”

11 Hilarious Quotes About Life

“I think I’ve seized the wrong fucking day.”

“I may act like I’m okay but deep down inside I’m hungry again.”

“Lord, give me coffee to change the things I can, and wine to accept the things I can’t.”

“On the surface: cool as a cucumber on the inside: squirrel in traffic.”

“I’m holding a cup of coffee, so yeah, I’m pretty busy.”

“Do not drink and wrap presents. Also, if anyone gets a remote control for Christmas, I’m gonna need that back.”

Funniest Quotes Guaranteed to Make You Laugh 2

“Saturday is for shopping (online, & in bed.)”

“Siri, remove my makeup.”

“Wow, that was rather inappropriate. Let’s be friends.”

“You know when you buy a bag of salad & it gets all brown & soggy? Cookies don’t do that.”

“Me: goodnight. Brain: pssst. Me: what? Brain: what disease do you think we have? @Rebel circus”

“I don’t think I could ever stab someone. I mean, let’s be honest. I can barely get the straw in the Capri sun.”

“Patience. What you have when there are too many witnesses.”

10 Witty Sayings

“Pretty wild how we used to eat cake after someone had blown on it… Good times…”

“Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at rat snitch brian the good-time ruiner.”

“Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 5.”

“Syd @sydneyreneec one of my 6-year-olds started crying today and when I asked why she said, “I don’t wanna grow up because I can’t bake, I can only make cereal, and furniture is expensive” literally.”

“Dating texts: ‘Baby, I don’t feel good.’ Married texts: ‘I’ve had diarrhea seven times today.”

“Instagram instagram.com milknhoneynutrition. Follow sugar land, texas spilling coffee is the adult equivalent of losing your balloon.”

“Coffee my birthstone is a coffee bean.”

“I’ll get over it. I just gotta be dramatic first.”

“Impulse control needs the occasional day off.”

“I just know I will die trying to pet something I shouldn’t.”

Famous funny guy “A day without laughter is a day wasted,” Charlie Chaplin once said, and we couldn’t agree more. Laughter is the best medicine, whether you’re having a bad day or know someone who could use a little pick-me-up. Plus, there are so many ways to make yourself laugh. You can lighten up your day by telling corny jokes or watching feel-good comedies, but if you need a quick fix, we have a lot of funny quotes that are sure to ease the tension and give you a little joy in the middle of life’s stresses.

We have funny quotes about love, marriage, getting older, being a parent, making friends, and a lot of other things that anyone can relate to. Grab your favorites for greeting cards, social media captions, or just to print and hang them above your desk as a little reminder that life isn’t that serious, and we’re all much better off laughing than crying. Here are the best laugh-out-loud quotes from well-known comedians like Betty White, Joan Rivers, Lucille Ball, and Phyllis Diller. Read them whenever you need a good laugh. Trying to find more ideas? Check out these funny graduation quotes and these life-affirming quotes as well.

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