These funny dog jokes are the perfect remedy for a “ruff” day. You’ll be rolling on the floor laughing—then sitting up and begging for more!
12 Dog Jokes
♥ What do you get when you cross a racing dog with a bumblebee?
A greyhound buzz.
♥ How do dog catchers get paid?
By the pound!
♥ How can you get a dog in the back seat to quit barking while you’re driving?
Invite him to sit up front and bark there instead.
♥ What is a dog’s favorite song to listen to after a bath?
“Shake It Off” by Taylor Swift.
♥ What happens when a dog loses its tail?
It goes to a retail store to buy a new one.
♥ What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler?
Whatever you want, but do it silently.
♥ If they were to cast only dogs in movies, who would play Harry Potter?
Spaniel Radcliffe.
♥ Which dog breed is Dracula’s favorite?
Bloodhound.
♥ What kinds of outdoor markets do dogs despise?
Flea markets.
♥ Why is a noisy yappy dog like a tree?
They both have a lot of bark.
♥ What kind of dog consumes food with its ears?
All of them! I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before digging in.
♥ What do you call a dog with a surround sound system?
A sub-woofer.
14 Best Dog Jokes
♥ What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
♥ Why did the man living in Alaska name his dog Frost?
Because Frost bites.
♥ Who is the dog’s favorite comedian?
Growlcho Marx.
♥ Which type of dog is also a lamb?
Sheepdogs!
♥ Why did the two-legged dog come to an abrupt halt?
It had two paws.
♥ What did the one dog say to the other before they enjoyed their bones?
Bon appetite!
♥ What type of dog is constantly aware of the time?
A watch dog.
♥ How many hairs are in a dog’s tail?
None! They’re all on the outside.
♥ What could be more incredible than a talking dog?
A spelling bee.
♥ What was the dog’s job at the fancy hotel?
He was a Labra-doorman.
♥ Why do dogs bury their bones in the ground?
Because they can’t be buried in trees!
♥ Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
It was a Boxer.
♥ Why did the officer issue a ticket to the dog who gave birth on the side of the road?
Because she was littering.
♥ Why did the Dachshund want to sit in the shade?
Because it was a hot dog.
11 Dog Jokes One Liners
♥ What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
♥ What did one flea say to the other?
Should we walk, or just take the dog?
♥ What could be worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
♥ Why is it called a litter of puppies?
Because they’ll trash the place.
♥ What’s a dog’s favorites instrument?
A trom-bone.
♥ Why did the dog walk into the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw.
♥ Which dog breed loves to take a bath. A shampoodle.
♥ Which dog breed is Dracula’s favorite?
Bloodhounds
♥ When you cross a Sheepdog with jelly, what do you get?
The Collie wobbles.
♥ What do you get when you cross a dog and a lion?
You’re not going to get any mail, that’s for sure.
♥ What makes a businessman different from a hot dog?
The businessman wears a suit, but the dog just pants.
9 Funny Dog Jokes
♥ Whenever I take my dog to the park, the ducks always try to bite him. I guess it makes sense, since he’s pure bread.
♥ What breed of dog goes after anything that is red?
A Bulldog.
♥ After accidentally swallowing Buzz Lightyear, what did the dog say to Woody?
You got a friend in me.
♥ How are dog catchers in the UK paid?
By the pound.
♥ Why are dogs’ barks so loud?
They have built-in sub-woofers.
♥ What do you get when you cross a frog with a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
♥ What is a deadly creature that looks like a dog, eats dog food, lives in a doghouse, and consumes dog food?
A dog with a machete.
♥ Why do dogs run in circles?
It’s hard to run in squares!
