45 Hilarious Dog Jokes to Howling With Laughter

These funny dog jokes are the perfect remedy for a “ruff” day. You’ll be rolling on the floor laughing—then sitting up and begging for more!

12 Dog Jokes

What do you get when you cross a racing dog with a bumblebee?
A greyhound buzz.

How do dog catchers get paid?
By the pound!

How can you get a dog in the back seat to quit barking while you’re driving?
Invite him to sit up front and bark there instead.

What is a dog’s favorite song to listen to after a bath?
“Shake It Off” by Taylor Swift.

Dog Jokes

What happens when a dog loses its tail?
It goes to a retail store to buy a new one.

What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler?
Whatever you want, but do it silently.

If they were to cast only dogs in movies, who would play Harry Potter?
Spaniel Radcliffe.

Which dog breed is Dracula’s favorite?

What kinds of outdoor markets do dogs despise?
Flea markets.

Why is a noisy yappy dog like a tree?
They both have a lot of bark.

What kind of dog consumes food with its ears?
All of them! I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before digging in.

What do you call a dog with a surround sound system?
A sub-woofer.

14 Best Dog Jokes

What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.

Why did the man living in Alaska name his dog Frost?
Because Frost bites.

Who is the dog’s favorite comedian?
Growlcho Marx.

Which type of dog is also a lamb?

Why did the two-legged dog come to an abrupt halt?
It had two paws.

What did the one dog say to the other before they enjoyed their bones?
Bon appetite!

Best Dog Jokes

What type of dog is constantly aware of the time?
A watch dog.

How many hairs are in a dog’s tail?
None! They’re all on the outside.

What could be more incredible than a talking dog?
A spelling bee.

What was the dog’s job at the fancy hotel?
He was a Labra-doorman.

Why do dogs bury their bones in the ground?
Because they can’t be buried in trees!

Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
It was a Boxer.

Why did the officer issue a ticket to the dog who gave birth on the side of the road?
Because she was littering.

Why did the Dachshund want to sit in the shade?
Because it was a hot dog.

11 Dog Jokes One Liners

What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.

What did one flea say to the other?
Should we walk, or just take the dog?

What could be worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.

Why is it called a litter of puppies?
Because they’ll trash the place.

What’s a dog’s favorites instrument?
A trom-bone.

Why did the dog walk into the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw.

Hilarious Dog Jokes to Howling With Laughter

Which dog breed loves to take a bath. A shampoodle.

Which dog breed is Dracula’s favorite?

When you cross a Sheepdog with jelly, what do you get?
The Collie wobbles.

What do you get when you cross a dog and a lion?
You’re not going to get any mail, that’s for sure.

What makes a businessman different from a hot dog?
The businessman wears a suit, but the dog just pants.

9 Funny Dog Jokes

Whenever I take my dog to the park, the ducks always try to bite him. I guess it makes sense, since he’s pure bread.

What breed of dog goes after anything that is red?
A Bulldog.

After accidentally swallowing Buzz Lightyear, what did the dog say to Woody?
You got a friend in me.

How are dog catchers in the UK paid?
By the pound.

Why are dogs’ barks so loud?
They have built-in sub-woofers.

What do you get when you cross a frog with a dog?
A croaker spaniel.

What is a deadly creature that looks like a dog, eats dog food, lives in a doghouse, and consumes dog food?
A dog with a machete.

Why do dogs run in circles?
It’s hard to run in squares!

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