Best Dad Jokes for Kids Who Need a Good Laugh (or Groan). These one-liners, puns and comebacks are actually pretty funny.
Oh, and if you’re a dad joke aficionado like we are, you might be surprised to know, as to where these inappropriate jokes stem from. But dad jokes aren’t just for dads. There’s no better way to diffuse tension or create a comfortable, playful environment than with a corny joke, and these ironic and hilarious one-liners are great icebreakers for all ages. Read some quotes for son
The kind where bystanders, all at the same time, are making eye contact and looking for an exit. Fortunately for those who appreciate such uncomfortable guilty pleasures in life, we have 60 of the best funny dad jokes and father day quotes to share with you!
Best Corny Dad Jokes – Best Dad Jokes
“Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!”
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“My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!”
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“Today, my son asked “Can I have a bookmark?” and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.”
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“How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.”
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“Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.”
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“I don’t trust the stairs. They’re always up to something.”
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Best Dad Jokes For Kids
“My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.”
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“How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.”
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“What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password? 1forest1.”
“What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.”
“What rock group has four men that don’t sing? Mount Rushmore.”
“When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.”
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“A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him, “How long have you suffered from that condition?” The guy tells him, “Since next Monday.”
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“What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!”
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“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”
“What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, anna two!”
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“How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!”
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.
Good Dad Jokes
I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.
My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out.
What do you call an angry musician flipping someone off? A song bird.
What’s the most detail-oriented ocean? The Pacific.
Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
Best Dad Jokes Ever Told
When does a joke turn into a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
What’s ET short for?
Because he’s only got tiny legs.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A Carrot
I was wondering why this frisbee kept looking bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
Best One-Liner Dad Jokes
“I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”
“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.”
“I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.”
“How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!”
“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”
Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on so many levels.
Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border? Me neither, I couldn’t follow it.
I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary. I told him, “Mark, my words!”
Good Dad Jokes Clean
How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
I’m starting a new dating service in Prague. It’s called Czech-Mate.
I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up.
Good thymes.
Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?
“Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know
Best Dad Joke Puns – Cheesy Puns
“It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.”
“Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.”
“Can February March? No, but April May!”
“How do lawyers say goodbye? We’ll be suing ya!”
“Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable.”
It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pas.
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
Puns Quotes from Dad
When did a dad drive past a graveyard: Did you know that’s a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!
Can February March? No, but April May!
Best Corny Dad Jokes · “Dad, did you get a haircut?” · “My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. Yup, a dad joke is loosely defined as a groaner so corny that you basically need to own a pair of white New Balance sneakers, a cellphone belt clip, and a coffee.
