“11. I wasn’t that drunk I drove myself home dude. Don’t even try denying it..? I drove you home while you drove with a paper plate.. oh. I thought that was a dream idiot.”
“12. When you’re bad at cooking. you accidentally maked Lava. ”
“13. I just brushed my dog and made a new one”
“14. Hows life going?”
“15. Please have a seat…. Just so you know, the whole poprocks in the litter box was not funny, not funny at all”
“16. Make it a memorable summer for the kids! 6 cups water, 1 cup corn syrup, 2 cups regular strength joy dish soap. They are industrial strength, un-poppable. It’s been 10 years. The bubbles remain in my yard. Waiting, waiting for their demise. Stalking my children, haunting the town. The townsfolk no longer talk to us for creating such abominations. Tonight I end it all, I can no longer take the pressure of creating such nature-defying creatures against god’s will.”
“17. Forest frowth in the US has exceeded harvest since the 1940s, and that the US has more trees now than at any time in the past 100 years.”
“18. Do not disturb I’m on a right schedule today exceptions in case of emergency are permitted emergency checklist: Are you on fire and I’m the only one that can put you out? Am I on fire and don’t realize it? is it the second coming? FAQ: Q: How’s it going? A: Good Q: What are you working on? A: Stuff Q: How’s stuff going? A: See answer I Q: Do dolphins sleep? A: Yes, they are mammals and they do sleep. Have a nice day?”
“19. Johnny Depp has actually played guitar for Oasis, Marilyn Manson, and Aerosmith.”
“20. A police officer called the station on his radio. “I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.” “Have you arrested the woman?” “Not yet. The floor’s still wet.””
