Here are some funny Christmas jokes to keep you laughing until the new year.
Funny Christmas Jokes
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
- “It’s Christmas, Eve!”
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
- Frostbite!
What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?
- Stick with me and we’ll go places!
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
- Because they were two deer!
Why don’t you ever see Santa in the hospital?
- Because he has private elf care!
How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus’ weight when he was born?
- They had a weigh in a manger!
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
- Their days are numbered!
How did Scrooge win the football game?
- The ghost of Christmas passed!
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
- Cross-mouse cards!
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
- Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
- Nice gnawing you!
What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas?
- Twerky!
What does Santa do with out of shape elves?
- Sends them to an elf Farm.
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
- Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
- A mince spy!
How do snowmen get around?
- They ride an icicle!
What do snowmen have for breakfast?
- Snowflakes!
What does Santa do when his elves misbehave?
- He gives them the sack!
What did Santa say to the smoker?
- Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
- Tinsilitis!
What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
- A mistle-toad!
What carol is heard in the desert?
- ‘O camel ye faithful!’
How many letters are in the Christmas alphabet?
- Only 25, there’s no L!
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
- Horn-aments!
Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
- They always drop their needles!
How does Christmas Day end?
- With the letter Y!
What happened to the turkey at Christmas?
- It got gobbled!
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
- Icebergers!
When is a boat just like snow?
- When it’s adrift!
Who delivers presents to cats?
- Santa Paws!
Why did the turkey cross the road?
- Because it was the chicken’s day off!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
- Santa Clues!
What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?
- Santa going through a revolving door!
What is Santa’s favourite place to deliver presents?
- Idaho-ho-ho!
What do you call buying a piano for the holidays?
- Christmas Chopin!
What’s a child’s favourite king at Christmas?
- A stoc-king!
Who is Santa’s favourite singer?
- Elf-is Presley!
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?
- Because he had no body to go with!
How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?
- On the dark side!
Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star?
- Beyon-sleigh!
What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
- Jungle bells!
What is white and minty?
- A polo bear!
Why did Scrooge keep a pet lamb?
- Because it would say, “Baaaaahh humbug!”
Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite singer?
- Spruce Springsteen!
What cars do elves drive?
- Toyotas!
What is Santa’s primary language?
- North Polish.
What do reindeer say before they tell a joke?
- This one will sleigh you!
How do you lift a frozen car?
- With a Jack Frost!
Which holiday mascot has the least spare change?
- St. Nickel-less!
What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery?
- Welfy!
How did the bauble get addicted to Christmas?
- He was hooked on trees his whole life!
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
- Rude-olph!
Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
- Because the present’s beneath them!
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
- A rebel without a Claus!
Why does Santa go down the chimney?
- Because it soots him!
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa Claus when she looked up in the sky?
- Looks like rain, dear!
Why did Santa get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve?
- He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone!
What do you call Santa living at the South Pole?
- A lost clause!
What part of the body do you only see during Christmas?
- Mistletoe!
What do the elves cook with in the kitchen?
- Utinsels!
What’s the difference between Santa Clause and a knight?
- One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!
What do you call cutting down a Christmas tree?
- Christmas chopping!
Where do Santa and his reindeer go to get hot chocolate while flying in the sky?
- Star-bucks.
What do sheep say at Christmas?
- A Merry Christmas to Ewe!
Why is everyone so thirsty at the north pole?
- There’s o well, no well!
Which football team did the baby Jesus support?
- Manger-ster United!
What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?
- A pineapple!
Why is winter a snowman’s favourite time of year?
- Because they can camouflage!
What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve?
- Auld Fang Syne!
What athlete is warmest in winter?
- A long jumper!
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
- Jingle Smells!
What do you get when you cross a deer with rain?
- A reindeer!
What’s worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?
- Frosty the Snowman with a hot flush!
What is the most competitive season?
- Win-ter!
What type of key do you need for a Nativity play?
- A don-key!
Why don’t penguins fly?
- Because they’re not tall enough to be pilots!
What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
- Quit hanging around!
Why wouldn’t the cat climb the Christmas tree?
- It was afraid of the bark.
What’s the difference between Ryanair and Santa?
- Santa flies at least once a year!
Why was the planned Boeing TV documentary scrapped?
They were unable to air a pilot!
- Ho Ho Ho!
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
- Claustrophobia!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
- He got 25 days!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
- Santa Jaws!
What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
- Freeze a jolly good fellow!
What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
- The elf-abet!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
- A Holly Davidson!
Why was the turkey in the pop group?
- Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
- A Christmas Quacker!
What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?
- Santa walking backwards!
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
- He was picking his nose!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
- So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
- A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
- Ice caps!
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