65 Short Funny Quotes To Make You Smile

Get ready to LOL – if you are looking for short funny quotes and funny images to share, we have got them! – Share! We’ve got hilarious quotes about love, marriage, aging, parenting, friendship, and many more topics that are oh-so relatable and undeniably clever. We’ve got tons of funny quotes that are guaranteed to ease the tension and create a little pocket of joy amid life’s stresses.

14 Short Funny Quotes

“My Christmas list is short this year: 1. $1,000,000 In cash. 2. The souls of all who have displeased me. 3. A kitten.”

“We’re all brave in our way. For example, I am not afraid of raw cookie dough.”

“There are people out there training for marathons… And here I am, on the couch, trying to lasso the remote with my phone charger.”

“Some of y’all went from diy homemade, natural, all organic cleaning products to Clorox real fast.”

“*Squats down to look in the fridge* fitness.”

Short Funny Quotes To Make You Smile

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.”

“I don’t mean to brag but I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 12 minutes .”

“I don’t know what’s longer a microwave minute or a treadmill minute.”

“I am still kinda pissed that they never actually told us how to get to sesame street.”

“Don’t half-ass anything whatever you do, always use your full ass.”

“If by clubbing. You mean eating club sandwiches, then yes, I do love clubbing.”

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas 77 but if the white runs out I’ll drink the red.”

“If by ‘clubbing’ you mean eating club sandwiches, then yes, I enjoy clubbing.”

“80% Health goddess, 20% cookie monster self.”

12 Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh

“Taking a dog named Shark to the beach is a very bad idea.”

“Fitness instructor: I have fun things in store for today’s routine. Class: so we’re going to die.”

“I’ve never been held hostage, but I have been in a group text.”

“Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.”

“Been spending most my life living in a gangster’s paradise.”

“Hot dog or hamburger? That is the question.”

Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh

“We’re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings.”

“Alexa, skip to Friday.”

“I talk a big game for someone scared to make a phone call”

“I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.”

“I’m eating just in case I get hungry later.”

“I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out boom another.”

10 Best Funny Quotes

“I don’t know who needs to hear this right now. But if you’re going through a rough time…don’t cut your bangs. Hello, lovely studio.”

“Boots✓ blanket scarf✔ pumpkin everything.”

“Amia good person? No. But do I try to make myself better every day? Also, no.”

“My favorite co-worker is the coffee machine.”

“So far 2020 is like looking both ways before crossing the street and then getting hit by an airplane.”

“At&t 8:10 pm 1 56% if letter folk Instagram 1 I yolo but with caution ♡ q ♡ 3,629 likes σ letter folk sometimes I stay up all night binge- watching fixer-upper, I get my car washed on… More View all 118 comments 1 hour ago.”

“Before I agree to 2021, I need to see some terms & conditions.”

“They say it takes a village. Where can I get directions to this village?”

“There’s nothing fun about fun-size candy bars.”

“All I’m saying is you rarely see a person crying and eating pie at the same time.”

11 Short Funny Sayings

“Always jingle all the way nobody likes a half-assed jingler. Revel circle.”

“I hate when people accuse me of lollygagging when I’m quite clearly dilly-dallying.”

“I miss being a kid. My only responsibilities were running around and laughing a lot. And someone else was in charge of my hair.”

“Everything part health goddess. Part donut enthusiast.”

“Alexa fold my laundry.”

Short Funny Sayings

“Alexa take down the Christmas decorations.”

“Day 12 without chocolate lost hearing in my left eye.”

“Brain: I can see you’re trying to sleep. Can I offer a selection of your worst memories from the last 10 years?”

“Snaccident eating a family size. Bar of chocolate entirely by mistake.”

“I am realistic I expect miracles.”

“Peanut butter is the glue that holds this body together.”

8 Funniest Quotes About Smile

“Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite spatula now.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t answer my phone when you called don’t use it for that.”

“I am a ninja” “No, you’re not” “Did you see me do that?” “Do what?” “Exactly” copyright.”

“Me: it’s not about how many times you fall, it’s about how many times you get back up cop: that’s not how field sobriety tests work.”

“I hope that wherever my hair ties go they’re happy that’s all that matters.”

“I have a “dry clean only” sweater that’s about to learn some harsh truths about living with me.”

“My favorite emails let you know your order has shipped.”

“Welcome to the dark side, where all the fun stuff happens.”

9 Hilarious Quotes For Instagram

“I’m not useless. I can be used as a bad example.”

“If you combine wine and dinner the new word is the winner.”

“My friend says I’m self-absorbed, so I took a long, hard look at myself. Beautiful.”

“What did you make today? Mistakes.”

“You’re not the boss of me,” I say as I let the dog in and out, 17 times in a row.”

“Life is like a game of chess I don’t know how to play chess.”

“Reminder that Winnie the Pooh wore a crop top with no pants & ate his fave food & loved himself so you can too.”

“I do what I can to make the world a happier place. For example, I had my coffee today. 2015 Sweatpants and coffee.”

“I’m only a morning person on December 25th.”

“When does hibernation start I am 100 percent participating in that.”

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