Get ready to LOL – if you are looking for short funny quotes and funny images to share, we have got them! – Share! We’ve got hilarious quotes about love, marriage, aging, parenting, friendship, and many more topics that are oh-so relatable and undeniably clever. We’ve got tons of funny quotes that are guaranteed to ease the tension and create a little pocket of joy amid life’s stresses.
14 Short Funny Quotes
♥ “My Christmas list is short this year: 1. $1,000,000 In cash. 2. The souls of all who have displeased me. 3. A kitten.”
♥ “We’re all brave in our way. For example, I am not afraid of raw cookie dough.”
♥ “There are people out there training for marathons… And here I am, on the couch, trying to lasso the remote with my phone charger.”
♥ “Some of y’all went from diy homemade, natural, all organic cleaning products to Clorox real fast.”
♥ “*Squats down to look in the fridge* fitness.”
♥ “Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.”
♥ “I don’t mean to brag but I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 12 minutes .”
♥ “I don’t know what’s longer a microwave minute or a treadmill minute.”
♥ “I am still kinda pissed that they never actually told us how to get to sesame street.”
♥ “Don’t half-ass anything whatever you do, always use your full ass.”
♥ “If by clubbing. You mean eating club sandwiches, then yes, I do love clubbing.”
♥ “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas 77 but if the white runs out I’ll drink the red.”
♥ “If by ‘clubbing’ you mean eating club sandwiches, then yes, I enjoy clubbing.”
♥ “80% Health goddess, 20% cookie monster self.”
12 Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh
♥ “Taking a dog named Shark to the beach is a very bad idea.”
♥ “Fitness instructor: I have fun things in store for today’s routine. Class: so we’re going to die.”
♥ “I’ve never been held hostage, but I have been in a group text.”
♥ “Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.”
♥ “Been spending most my life living in a gangster’s paradise.”
♥ “Hot dog or hamburger? That is the question.”
♥ “We’re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings.”
♥ “Alexa, skip to Friday.”
♥ “I talk a big game for someone scared to make a phone call”
♥ “I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.”
♥ “I’m eating just in case I get hungry later.”
♥ “I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out boom another.”
10 Best Funny Quotes
♥ “I don’t know who needs to hear this right now. But if you’re going through a rough time…don’t cut your bangs. Hello, lovely studio.”
♥ “Boots✓ blanket scarf✔ pumpkin everything.”
♥ “Amia good person? No. But do I try to make myself better every day? Also, no.”
♥ “My favorite co-worker is the coffee machine.”
♥ “So far 2020 is like looking both ways before crossing the street and then getting hit by an airplane.”
♥ “At&t 8:10 pm 1 56% if letter folk Instagram 1 I yolo but with caution ♡ q ♡ 3,629 likes σ letter folk sometimes I stay up all night binge- watching fixer-upper, I get my car washed on… More View all 118 comments 1 hour ago.”
♥ “Before I agree to 2021, I need to see some terms & conditions.”
♥ “They say it takes a village. Where can I get directions to this village?”
♥ “There’s nothing fun about fun-size candy bars.”
♥ “All I’m saying is you rarely see a person crying and eating pie at the same time.”
11 Short Funny Sayings
♥ “Always jingle all the way nobody likes a half-assed jingler. Revel circle.”
♥ “I hate when people accuse me of lollygagging when I’m quite clearly dilly-dallying.”
♥ “I miss being a kid. My only responsibilities were running around and laughing a lot. And someone else was in charge of my hair.”
♥ “Everything part health goddess. Part donut enthusiast.”
♥ “Alexa fold my laundry.”
♥ “Alexa take down the Christmas decorations.”
♥ “Day 12 without chocolate lost hearing in my left eye.”
♥ “Brain: I can see you’re trying to sleep. Can I offer a selection of your worst memories from the last 10 years?”
♥ “Snaccident eating a family size. Bar of chocolate entirely by mistake.”
♥ “I am realistic I expect miracles.”
♥ “Peanut butter is the glue that holds this body together.”
8 Funniest Quotes About Smile
♥ “Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite spatula now.”
♥ “I’m sorry I didn’t answer my phone when you called don’t use it for that.”
♥ “I am a ninja” “No, you’re not” “Did you see me do that?” “Do what?” “Exactly” copyright.”
♥ “Me: it’s not about how many times you fall, it’s about how many times you get back up cop: that’s not how field sobriety tests work.”
♥ “I hope that wherever my hair ties go they’re happy that’s all that matters.”
♥ “I have a “dry clean only” sweater that’s about to learn some harsh truths about living with me.”
♥ “My favorite emails let you know your order has shipped.”
♥ “Welcome to the dark side, where all the fun stuff happens.”
9 Hilarious Quotes For Instagram
♥ “I’m not useless. I can be used as a bad example.”
♥ “If you combine wine and dinner the new word is the winner.”
♥ “My friend says I’m self-absorbed, so I took a long, hard look at myself. Beautiful.”
♥ “What did you make today? Mistakes.”
♥ “You’re not the boss of me,” I say as I let the dog in and out, 17 times in a row.”
♥ “Life is like a game of chess I don’t know how to play chess.”
♥ “Reminder that Winnie the Pooh wore a crop top with no pants & ate his fave food & loved himself so you can too.”
♥ “I do what I can to make the world a happier place. For example, I had my coffee today. 2015 Sweatpants and coffee.”
♥ “I’m only a morning person on December 25th.”
♥ “When does hibernation start I am 100 percent participating in that.”
