70 Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh

This list of the funniest quotes is your complete guide to witticisms, quips, retorts, and pithy replies for every occasion that needs hilarious quotes. Enjoy these funny quotes, laugh, and share with a friend. Laughter is a powerful emotion that can lighten up even the dullest of days and make us forget our worries for a moment. Whether it is through jokes, pranks, cartoons, or stand-up comedy, the goal is to make people laugh and bring a smile to their faces. So, let’s not take life too seriously and embrace the power of humor to add more fun and laughter to our lives.

These funny quotes from comedians, movies, authors, and TV look at the hilarious side of life. it is safe to say that the experience of being entertained by humor is an enjoyable one. Looking for even more quotes? Check out our lists of uplifting quotes, fun quotes, and life is short quotes. You might also enjoy our new compendium of the best jokes ever. Have fun—and you can quote us!

Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh

Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh

Hilarious Quotes

#1. I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later. -Mitch Hedberg

#2. I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet. Carrie Bradshaw, sex, and the city

#3. When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, ‘four. I don’t think I can eat eight. -Yogi Berra

#4. Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it. But not necessary to show it off. Ball Murray

#5. I just realized that ‘let me check my calendar’ is the adult version of ‘let me ask my mom.’

#6. Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

#7. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. Groucho Marx

#8. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well. Mark twain

#9. Someone asked me if I were stranded on a desert island book would I bring… How to build a boat. -Steven wright

#10. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they are. Will finale

Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh

best hilarious quotes about family and friends with pics

#11. The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.

#12. Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas. -Paula Poundstone Halina

#13. Be strong, I whispered to my wifi signal.

#14. My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

#15. I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. Phyllis Diller

#16. There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it. Mindy Kaling

#17. I like work; it fascinates me. Hahaha, I can sit and look at it for hours. Jerome

#18. What if the ‘hokey pokey’ is what it’s all about?…

#19. My mind is like my web browser. 19 Tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

#20. I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. -Michael Scott

Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh

cute hilarious quotes about love and life with images

#21. Some people aren’t just missing a screw the whole toolbox is gone.

#22. He said there was no spark between us anymore so I tasered him.

#23. Slightly twisted words of wisdom & other funny sayings smiles of laughter are required wh reading this book. Michelle Jenkins

#24. Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there? I don’t know how to hold a pencil.

#25. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has 600d taste.

#26. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. – A. A. Milne

#27. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies. Don’t use any double negatives. Proofread carefully to see if you have any words out. -Hidan

#28. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? -Edgar Bergen

#29. The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. Robert frost

#30. Some people are so judgemental. I can tell just by looking at them.

Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh

funny hilarious quotes from movies

#31. I don’t know how to act my age. I’ve never been to this age before.

#32. “So… Turns out my aunt is my mum’s sister. Small world” – Robyn,

#33. After I go to bed, mom thinks she’s sneaky but I can hear her crunching on chips all night – anonymous

#34. You don’t have to be crazy to work here we’ll train you.

#35. Tax day is coming up! 2 Are you excited, or are you going to jail?

#36. According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that seem right?

#37. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure. Murphy

#38. Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they are. – Will Ferrell

#39. Next time I lose my mind war “I swear I’m not even going to look for it anymore.

#40. I’m not good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” Chandler

#41. Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody. Come sit by me. Clairee Belcher

#42. The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable. -Lane Olinghouse

#43. Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I’m being funny, but I’m reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling: Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything: otherwise, we’re going down the tube.

#44. I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones that’s why it’s called a cell phone

#45. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Funny Crazy Quotes

“I wish I had a delete button in my life. To delete somebody, some memories, and some feelings.”

“When someone you love dies… You never get over it. You just slowly get through each day. But you always keep them tucked safely in your heart.”

“I love rumors. I always find out ee amazing things about myself I never knew.”

“I’m guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve, but when I’m done. I’m done.”

“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you… Blocked & deleted. You may know… Kiss my ass.”

“We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads. So I’m not fat, I’m just really intelligent and my head couldn’t hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!”

“Sometimes you just gotta burst out and sing, “I’m sexy and I know it!”

“I love it when someone’s laugh is funnier than the joke.”

“I don’t know about you, but I’ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.”

“Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream: “shut the f*ck up” out loud instead of just in my head.”

“Just be honest with me or stay away from me. It’s not that difficult.”

“Don’t mess with me… I hate you, and then I love you. It’s like I want to throw you off a cliff. Then rush to the bottom to catch you.”

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Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh

Hilarious pictures with quotes

Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh

Hilarious images with quotes

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