Are you looking for the best short and funny quotes? Look no further! Here is our huge list of quotes that can make you laugh.
To brighten up your day, here is a series of funny short sayings. They’re going to tickle your funny bone, and they’re going to amuse you in their way. These 140 funny quotes from comedians, movies, authors, and TV look at the hilarious side of life. Enjoy these funny quotes, laugh, and share with a friend.
Funny Short Sayings To Brighten Up Your Day
“Worry is a misuse of your imagination.”
― Anonymous
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“To the people who lose one shoe on the side of the highway: Please tell me what the rest of your life is like.”
― Anonymous
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“There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. People Quotes”
― Anonymous
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“Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. Albert King Sayings”
― Anonymous
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“Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. Friend Quotes”
― Anonymous
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Funny Short Sayings
“Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works. Questions Stupid Quotes”
― Anonymous
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“Follow your dreams, except for the one where you’re naked in church.”
― Rev. David Ault
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“Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.”
― Anonymous
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“I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain. “
― Carol Leifer
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“He’s not dead, he’s electroencephalographically challenged.”
― Anonymous
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“Money talks… but all mine ever says is goodbye!”
― Anonymous
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“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.”
― Abe Lemons
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“A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.”
― Burt Bacharach
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“Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.”
― Finley Peter Dunne
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Funny Short Sayings Quotes
“I ain’t sleeping. I’m just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids.”
― Jonathan Raban
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“Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.”
― Jim Davis
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“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.”
― Franklin P. Jones
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“Easy to read short quotations by famous authors and anonymous.”
― Anonymous
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“Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.”
― Anonymous
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“Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number.”
― Anonymous
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“Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.”
― Anonymous
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“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.”
― Anonymous
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“When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.”
― Gracie Allen
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Funny Short Sayings Humor
“Death is hereditary.”
― Jill Shalvis
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“In God we trust; all others pay cash.”
― Jean Shepherd
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“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.”
― Oscar Wilde
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“I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved. Math Quotes Sayings”
― Anonymous
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“I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again! Life Quotes Sleep Quotes”
― Anonymous
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“Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it. People Quotes Statements”
― Anonymous
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“What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out. Life Quotes Questions”
― Anonymous
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“I wonder if clothes in China say, “Made around the corner.”
― Anonymous
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“A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.”
― Marvin Kitman
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“All power corrupts, but we need electricity.”
― Diana Wynne Jones
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Funny Short Sayings About Life
“Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.”
― Philander Johnson
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“People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.”
― Ellen DeGeneres
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“The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they’re going to be when you kill them.”
― William Clayton
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Funny Quotes
“I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Stupid Quotes Top”
― Anonymous
“Never let your best friends get lonely… keep disturbing them. Friend Quotes Top”
― Anonymous
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying! Phone Stupid Quotes Top”
― Anonymous
“Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never-ending. Never Quotes”
― Anonymous
“Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.”
― Anonymous
“You have a cough? Go home tonight, and eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough.”
― Pearl Williams
“I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?”
― Anonymous
“If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.”
― George Carlin
“I doubt, therefore I might be.”
― A spoof on Descartes’ famous saying.
“Fish and visitors stink after three days.”
― Ben Franklin
“Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.”
― Anonymous
“I can’t be out of money, I still have checks left.”
― George Clark
“Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.”
― Franklin Jones
“You wanna know who I’m in love with? Read the first word again. Know Quotes”
― Anonymous
“Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, is the hardest thing in the world. Moments World Quotes ”
― Anonymous
Funny Short Quotes And Sayings
“Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Sayings ”
― Anonymous
“If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Lazy Quotes”
― Anonymous
“Black Holes are where God divided by zero.”
― Albert Einstein
“If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving isn’t for you.”
― Steven Wright
“If you want to be criticized, marry. “
― Irish Proverb
“On the other hand, you have different fingers.”
― Steven Wright
“Never test the depth of the water with both feet.”
― African Proverb
“Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.”
― Peyton Johnston
“A day without sunshine is like, night.”
― Steve Martin
“I started with nothing & still have most of it left.”
― Seasick Steve.
“Humpty Dumpty was pushed!”
― Elisabeth Richards
Funny Short Sayings For Discord
“How do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree then realize it was your air freshener.”
― Kevin Hart
“Constipated People Don’t Give A crap.”
― Anonymous
“He’s so optimistic he’d buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants.”
― Chuck Tanner
“My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do. Exercise Quotes Sayings”
― Anonymous
“If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Eat Quotes”
― Anonymous
“If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Questions Top Wise Quotes”
― Anonymous
“I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does. Know Quotes Sayings”
― Anonymous
“I’m sorry that I’m not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Animals Cat Quotes”
― Anonymous
Short Funny Quotes and Sayings
“Procrastination is the greatest labor-saving invention of all time.”
― Anonymous
“All generalizations are false.”
― Mark Twain
“I’m in shape … round’s a shape, isn’t it?”
― Anonymous
“He who laughs last didn’t get it.”
― Helen Giangregorio
“I’m not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?”
― Anonymous
“If at first, you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”
― Steven Wright
“He’s got a photographic mind. Too bad it never developed.”
― Leopold Fechtner
“If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.”
― Sam Levenson
“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.”
― Anonymous
Wit is the greatest treasure of man, said, someone. And yes, he was right. In the most serious circumstances, Irony lets one see the humor and is thus important in daily life. Life is expected to be an unpredictable feature of the wave, which has been perceived by wise people as a phenomenon of many ups and downs, and humorous and clever sayings aid in the place where life dips a little too low. These excerpts are going to help put a smile on your face. I say, the more ridiculous and smart they are, the better.
