Want to stimulate your brain and laugh at the same time? Most Funniest Quotes which are also sarcastic and sarcasm sayings. It’s a touch of sarcasm if there’s something that can insult a wolf’s lamb. We provide you with a definitive list of epic sarcastic quotes from renowned individuals and unknown bloggers.
It is sarcasm whether you express scorn for or insult something, use funny phrases that mean something else but suggest the contrary. In other words, you use irony to do this. I suppose I should let the following list of sarcastic quotes speak louder than describing what sarcasm is?
Sarcastic Quotes
1. “Well. Aren’t you a little ray of pitch black?”
2. “The short answer is no. The long answer is oh fuck no.”
3. “I’ve not lost my mind. Half of it just wandered off and the other half went looking for it.”
4. “I know everything happens for a reason. But sometimes I wish I knew what that reason was.”
5. “If I offended you, cry me a river. I’ll bring snacks and a raft. I will literally float down your tears eating chips and working on my tan.”
6. “The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.”
7. “ “OMG, I’m so ugly!” yes, that’s why you have 197 photos in an album called “Me”
8. “Apology accepted, trust denied.”
9. “In my defense, I was left unsupervised”
10. “Sarchotic: When you’re so sarcastic. People aren’t sure if you’re joking or if you’re just psychotic.”
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11. “I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.”
12. “One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or try harder.”
13. “She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon”
14. “I am old school. I wake up with my eyebrows already on my face”
15. “I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
16. “Wonders why people can never say it to your face, but can always post in on Facebook!”
17. “Please don’t see me, please don’t see me, please don’t see me, “Heyyyyy” shit.”
18. “I use sarcasm because Flatout telling u ur a f*cking moron is considered inappropriate”
19. “If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”
20. “Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”
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21. “We all know someone who speaks fluent shit.”
22. “I don’t like morning people or mornings or people”
23. “My spirit animal is a slightly deranged unicorn who has a mission to poke holes in all of the annoying people”
24. “Great, just 18954 emails”
25. “No response is a response. And it’s a powerful one. Remember that.”
26. “I couldn’t find toilet paper so, I’ll use this shirt instead”
27. “When sarcasm is needed 1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time… I know where my watch is pal. Where the heck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2. People who are willing to let off their butt to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually. 3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your case and eat it too” damn right! What good is the case if you can’t eat it? 4. When people say “It’s always the last place you look”. Of course, it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? 5. People who ask, “Can I ask you a question?” Didn’t one me a choice there. Did ya sunshine?. 6. When people say “Life is short”. What the heck??? Life is the lowest thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do that’s longer? 7. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks has the bus come yet? “If the bus came, would I be standing here”???”
28. “You know that little voice inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn’t? Yeah, I don’t have that.”
29. “Me? Crazy? I should get down off this unicorn and slap you”
30. “I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with the words”
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31. “The first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest”
32. “I’m having trouble completing my thoughts today. They show up with such promise and then they just”
33. “Some things are better left unsaid. Which I generally realize right after I have said them.”
34. “I often look at my children and can’t see me in them. Then they open their mouth and say something sarcastic and I’m like there I am!”
35. “To insult me, I must first value your opinion. Nice try though.”
36. “There are two types of people in the world 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm 2. Idiots”
37. “Can I help you?” “No. I just waited in line for 30 minutes to say Hi”
38. “If common sense is so common why are there so many people without it??”
39. “All you really need is oxygen”
40. “The last time I saw something like you… I flushed it.”
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41. “I’m actually not funny I’m just mean and people think I’m joking”
42. “I ain’t even mad”
43. “Coffee because hating your job should be done with enthusiasm.”
44. “The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run.”
45. “When I said ow stupid you be? It wasn’t a challenge”
46. “I’m allergic to stupidity. I break out in sarcasm.”
47. “I’m trying to cut down on my fucking swearing. Let’s see how the fuck that goes.”
48. “Story of my life: I knew better but I did it anyway.”
49. “I saw a store that has a sign that reads “We treat you like family!” Yup, not going in there.”
50. “I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.”
Most funniest Sarcasm quotes on Humor
51. “An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough”
52. “Oh, I’m sorry… Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”
53. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
54. “She’s strong! And scary… I bet she’s single… I’d put money on it…”
55. “I wasn’t always this sarcastic. It took me many years of dealing with assholes to become this good at it.”
56. “Warning to avoid injury don’t tell me how to do my job”
57. “NT humor ENTJ: Withering sarcasm… beware, peasants INTJ: Full-blown cynics and you cannot stop them ENTP: master – troll. Socrates was an ENTP, go figure INTP: Their irony is so clever that it’s like an IQ test”
58. “True friends don’t judge each other. They judge other people… together!”
59. “Sarcasm: The ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”
60. “If my kid continues talking about Fortnite, I think science may have its first death of boredom case.”
Most funniest Sarcasm quotes on Humor
61. “I will remember and recover, not forgive and forget.”
62. “Him: Honey, I’m almost out of clean shirts. Me: I’m almost out of fucks. Him: What? Me: What?”
63. “Congratulations! You’ve managed to make me feel like a worthless piece of shit again. Would you like an award for that?”
64. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”
65. “Lesson one: Only trust people who like big butts… They cannot lie.”
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You’d be in good shape if you run as much as your mouth.
~ Anonymous
I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
~ Oscar Wilde
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It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
~ Robert Frost
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.
~ Will Rogers
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I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
~ Sir Winston Churchill
Epic Sarcastic Quotes
Do not worry about your difficulties in mathematics, I can assure you that mine are all greater.
~ Albert Einstein
sarcastic quotes for the day
You know there’s just one more thing to need to do after you crack a joke… Tickle the other person!
~ Anonymous
I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.
~ Patrick Murray
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Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions.
~ Frank Lloyd Wright
Not all women are annoying. Some are dead.
~ Anonymous
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I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.
~ Sarah Rees Brennan
Sarcastic Quotes About Love
The consumer isn’t a moron; she is your wife.
~ David Ogilvy
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Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
~ Drew Carey
You can be whatever you want; however, in your case, you should probably aim low.
~ Anonymous
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When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. ~ Anonymous
Sarcastic Quotes Of The Day
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. ~ Max Kauffmann
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I suppose that would be enough sarcasm for today! If you come across any more great and funny sarcastic quotes like these, then do add to this collection via the comment box!
I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
~ Anonymous
best sarcastic quotes about life
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
~ Groucho Marx
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.
~ Natalie Wood
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If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.
~ Anonymous
Sarcastic Quotes Funny
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately, it kills all its students!
~ Robin Williams
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I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
~ Sam Kinison
Stressed Out Man Staying Up Awake Suffering From Insomnia
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
~ Steven Wright
Epic Sarcastic Quotes images Best Funny Quotes
If a stranger offers you a piece of candy, take two.
~ Anonymous
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
~ James Holt McGavran
Epic Sarcastic Quotes images Best Funny Quote
I’m a man of leisure. That’s because I have an English degree and can’t get a job.
~ Jarod Kintz
I’ll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.
~ Anonymous
Epic Sarcastic Quote images Best Funny Quotes
Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.
~ Anonymous
Sarcastic Quotes
When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
~ Sacha Guitry
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This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.
~ Anonymous
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
~ Billy Connolly
Epic Sarcastic Quotes images Funny Quotes
No, no, no. I’m not insulting you. I’m just describing you.
~ Anonymous
Marriage is bliss for people who aren’t in it.
~ Anonymous
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When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.
~ Clarence Darrow
Sarcastic Quotes On Stupidity
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
~ Steven Wright
Epic Sarcastic Quotes images Best Funny images
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
~ P. J. O’Rourke
If life gives you lemons, then be thankful for it. I have been getting only the peels for as long as I can remember!
~ Anonymous
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I asked you for some lunch money, and you gave me a dollar? Your benevolence always touches my soul!
~ Anonymous
Sarcastic Quotes And Sayings
Oh, come on! I am not being sarcastic with you. You really sing well… In fact, you sing better than the wretched crows in my neighborhood! Damn those crows…
~ Anonymous
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If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question.
~ Anonymous
I can be quite sarcastic when I’m in the mood.
~ J.D. Salinger
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Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.
~ Gene Perret
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
~ Groucho Marx
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If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
~ Lawrence Ferlinghetti
Sarcastic Motivational Quotes
Marriage is given and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
~ Joey Adams
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.
~ Oscar Wilde
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.
~ Albert Einstein
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
~ Anonymous
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
~ Anonymous
Life is like a roller coaster, and I’m about to throw up.
~ Anonymous
Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability.
~ George Bernard Shaw
It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
~ Anonymous
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
~ Mark Twain
The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast. ~ Oscar Wilde
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here. ~ Stephen Bishop
Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse! ~ Groucho Marx
I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?
~ Anonymous
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
~ Anonymous
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
~ Anonymous
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
~ Will Rogers
Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes
This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.
~ Lorrie Moore
Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter. ~ Cecilia Egan
Why would someone who has an average life expectancy of 75 years, get married when he is 29? ~ Anonymous
Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?
~ Anonymous
He loves nature despite what it did to him.
~ Forrest Tucker
Portrait of a surprised cat breed Scottish Fold
It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level, I’m really quite busy.
~ Anonymous
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell. ~ Joan Crawford
Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. ~ Woody Allen
Short Sarcastic Quotes
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. ~ Erma Bombeck
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. ~ Groucho Marx
In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker.
~ Woody Allen
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
~ Henny Youngman
You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate!
~ Anonymous
Sarcastic funny quotes and sayings can make you feel better if people are being mean to you. Find the best witty sarcastic quotes right here is a collection of some great sarcastic quotes on images
