Top 30 Short Funny Words And Funny Quotes Of The Day “I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
Looking for funny quotes about funny words from sarcasm. Here are the best 30 Short Funny Words and funny quotes about the day. Photo credits Pinterest
“1. I’ve found the key to happiness. Stay the hell away from assholes.”
“2. There’s only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in half, I don’t want two of you around.”
“3. If a woman speaks and no one is listening, her name is probably Mom.”
“4. Shhhhhhh!! Trust me, you don’t want to wake the cat. She’s crazy!.”
“5. Sometimes I sit quietly and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum. Then I take a good look around at everyone and realize… maybe I am.”
“6. A true friend is someone who hates all the same assholes you do!.”
“7. If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy… if grandma ain’t happy… Run!.”
“8. I never said I hated you. I just said that if you were on fire, I might consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.”
“9. OMG wrong person! Cancel! Cancel! Cancel message sent ok kill me now. Hit like if this has happened to you!.”
“10. Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking, “I’m gonna kill-ahh damn! She’s under a blanket…”
Short Funny Words
“11. I can’t dance to save my life but when I step in dog shit, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson.”
“12. Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.”
“13. I haven’t eaten in an hour that’s 7 dog hours.”
“14. Dear dreams, stop ending right when I get to the best part!!!.”
“15. Sometimes, I forget how to spell a word so I change the whole sentence to avoid using it.”
“16. I’m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I’m confident it has rabies.”
“17. I caught my mom’s dog playing in her curtains and thought it would make a cute picture. The result was nightmare fuel…”
“18. Raise your hand If you think the karma bus is moving too slow.”
“19. When a woman says “What?” it’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.”
“20. When my arms can’t reach people who are close to my heart…. I always hug them with my prayers.”
Funny Quotes Of The Day
“21. Caffeine is the foundation of my food pyramid.”
“22. Being able to respond with sarcasm within seconds of a stupid question is a sign of a healthy brain.”
“23. I’m not ready for Monday. Can I have another Sunday?.”
“24. I’m sorry if you don’t like my honesty, but to be fair I don’t like your lies.”
“25. Sarcasm. It’s how I hug.”
“26. Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”
“27. Me: my omg now I get it! Friend: u get what? Me: you know, when things heat, they expand. Friend: and? Me: I’m not fat, I’m hot.”
“28. I’m a leader, not a follower unless it’s a dark place, then screw it, you’re going first.”
Funny Quotes
“I don’t chase people anymore. I learned that I’m here and I’m important. I’m not going to run after people to prove that I matter.”
- “Maybe money can’t buy happiness, but I think it’s only fair to give me some and let me learn that lesson myself.”
- “Don’t wait until it’s too late to tell someone how much you love them and how much you care about them, because when they’re gone, no matter how loud you shout and cry, they won’t hear you, anyone.”
- “Do you ever write a long message and about halfway through you’re like “you know what, they don’t even care” and delete it”
- “That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.”
- “I love those random memories that make me smile no matter what is going on in my life”
- “You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, If they’re placed around your throat she’s probably slightly upset.”
- “I know I’m weird but sometimes It makes you laugh, and that makes me super happy.”
- “Do you ever wish had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time? 19”
- “To all those people that make me laugh and Smile: I couldn’t live without you.”
- “You must learn to love yourself before you can let someone else love you..”
- “Yes, I do smile a little when Karma pays a visit to someone who so desperately deserves it!”
- “That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation”
- “You never know when a moment and a few sincere words can have an impact on a life forever”
- “Don’t wait until it’s too late to tell someone how much you love them and how much you care about them, because when they’re gone, no matter how loud you shout and cry, they won’t hear you, anyone.”
- “I don’t like those people who only want to talk to me when they want something! Unfortunately, I know a few!”
- “Don’t make me mad and then tell me to calm down. That’s like shooting someone and then wondering why they are bleeding.”
- “TOP QUOTES Some people make me want to roll my eyes and say whateverrrrrrrr!”
- “I’m only me. That is all I can be. No more, no less, don’t second guess. I love, I live, I laugh, I cry. I’ve wished sometimes that I could die. Some days I’m funny, others I’m not, sometimes I’m in overdrive and I can’t stop. You may not like me, but that’s okay because this is me and how I’ll stay.”
- “To all those people that make me laugh and smile: I couldn’t live without you.”
- “When I was a child all my Mom had to do to shut me up was give me ‘The Look’. Does anyone else remember The ‘Look’? 19”
- “I hate my moods, they never ask permission before they change.”
- “There are some things that money just cannot buy, like manners, morals, and Intelligence.”
- “I hate when people see me at the supermarket and they are like” “Hey, what are you doing here?” And I’m just like: “Oh you know, hunting elephants.”
“Have you ever been in one of those moods where you don’t know what’s wrong, but you feel irritated with everyone and everything?”